That Cute Girl on Discord Might Actually Be A Fish: My Sad Story

Hey, yo, it’s THE JEFF here, coming to you with the sad story of my time spent on that digital watering hole known as Discord. I mean, have you seen all these servers floating around? And now, after everything, do you know what I discovered? One of the cutest girls I was talking to was actually a fish—a literal catfish! Gut-wrenching stuff, man.

Let me set the scene for you. It’s just another night, I’m on this popular gaming Discord server, talking smack and trying to find someone to play Overwatch 2 with. I’m the ultimate Jack of All Trades, so naturally, people dig me. As we all know, I can’t get enough of Widowmaker. The first rule of Discord: never trust a player with too many cool skins. But who was I to judge? I mean, who doesn’t love a good skin?

I spot a fellow chat member named Goldie, who sends me a PM asking me about the latest update. Now, I’ll admit, she was pretty cute, always ready with a quick response and eager to help out. Who knew she’d be my downfall? She had a killer sense of humor, which is one of the things I appreciate most in a person – well, maybe after good looks and money, because I am fabulous.

As the days went on, we started getting closer. We’d talk about our favorite maps and heroes, and she seemed really interested in learning more about the lore of the game. At one point, she even asked if I wanted to hang out sometime outside of the game. Man, did my heart flutter. Aren’t gamer girls supposed to be shy introverts or something like that? Oh boy, was I wrong.

One evening, as we were saying goodnight, I casually dropped an emoji of a kissy face and attached it to my message. She responded with a cute little wink face and added something else. I leaned in closer to take a look when it hit me: instead of an adorable profile pic, there she was, swimming gracefully amongst the bubbles and the plants, fins flapping away. “You’re a fish,” I typed incredulously.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. To put it bluntly, I felt catfished. Wait…is that the word I’m looking for? No matter, my life changed right then and there. This whole time, I thought I was chatting with some hot chick from Blizzard. But now, staring at a flippin’ guppy, I realized that things were different than what I expected. How could someone do this to me? What kind of twisted world are we living in where humans pretend to be creatures of the deep blue sea? Fish are food, not friends!

It’s sad, man. I’ve been fooled by a fish on Discord! I never saw it coming. From now on, I’m going to keep my eyes peeled for any other slimy creatures that try to trick me. Maybe it’s a lesson learned, and now I know better—don’t fall in love with the first cute face you see online, especially if they don’t have legs. Stay thirsty, my friends, stay thirsty.