NBA Three Pointers Now Sponsored by Pfizer, To Be Called “Three-Point Vaccinations.”
The word “shot” + selling out = this, apparently
Get ready for a new heaping COVID-style shot of greedy corporate BS from our favorite multi-billion dollar sports league. That’s right, the NBA has done it again, folks. They’ve found a new way to squeeze every last drop of cash out of their loyal fans and partners. And this time, they’ve got Big Pharma in on the game.
That’s right, my fellow sports nerds. The NBA has just announced a brand new partnership with the good folks at Pfizer. And no, it’s not some kind of weird joint venture to create a new line of basketball-themed medications (although that would be pretty dope if they came out with a “LeBron-atropine” or “Kobe-xicam”). No, this is something much bigger. The NBA and Pfizer are teaming up to bring you… wait for it… the Three-Point Vaccination!
You heard it here first, sports dorks! From now on, every time a player swishes a three-pointer from downtown, it’s not just a basket. No, no, my friends. It’s a “Three-Point Vaccination.” And Pfizer is paying through the nose (or through the three-point line?) to have their name digitally plastered on the shooter’s forehead in mandated replays. That’ll be fun.
Now, you might be thinking, “Corb the Sports Dork, what kind of stupid idea is this? How does shooting a basketball have anything to do with vaccinations?” And to that, I say…it’s sort of a natural consequence of the word “shot.” This was inevitable, the way things are going. First Emirates (whatever that is) gets their logo on everything that moves, then ratings go down, then *bam* Pfizer steps in with a bag of money.
Picture this, sports nerds: LeBron James, the king of the three-point shot, draining a deep triple from the logo. But instead of hearing the announcer shout “BANG!” or “Nothing but net!”, you’ll now hear “LeBron gets the Three-Point Vaccination!” And then, of course, comes the shameless plug: “This Three-Point Vaccination was brought to you by Pfizer – You’re not scared enough of COVID. Ask your doctor about our lineup of safe and effective FunRNA(TM) vaccines.”
And get this, the NBA isn’t stopping at just renaming three-pointers. No, they’re going all in on this corporate sponsorship train. Dunks will now be called “Slam-demic Dunks” (brought to you by Moderna, not to be outdone), layups will be known as “Avoiding Close Contact Layups” (courtesy of Johnson & Johnson), and blocked shots are being rebranded as “Immune System Blocks” (shout out to Novavax).
