Auld Lang Fascism: Celebrating New Years is White Supremacy

Can old white acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind (please)? New Year’s is a white supremacist holiday. That’s right, you heard me: New Year’s is a white supremacist holiday. This is stuff they don’t tell you in those white history books. Let me explain.

As we all know, time is a social construct. It was invented by the colonizers to oppress us. They invented clocks and watches, and then they used them to keep us working far past our normal nap times. Did you know that the first watch was invented by a white man named George White? Yeah, that’s right, you didn’t know that. And did you know that the first calendar was invented by a white man named Julius Caesar? That’s right, that’s not a joke. He was a white supremacist Roman who invaded and oppressed the Egyptians, a proud People of Colour. Think about it – he was so racist that he even had to invent a new way of counting time, just to keep them down.

We shouldn’t be celebrating New Year’s. We should be mourning the day that the colonizers stole our lives from us. This is why we need to destroy the calendar, and clocks. And the economy. But mostly the calendar and clocks. Gentle Reminder.

Instead of celebrating New Year’s, we should be doing our part to resist the colonizers. We should be staying up late, drinking wine, and going to bed at 3 AM without checking the clock or watching old white man Dick Clark’s New Years Rockin’ Ball, just to stick it to them. Maybe then they’ll understand what they’ve done to us. It’s time to stop celebrating New Year’s and start living in the Now. The Eternal Now. Maybe a Day of the Eternal Black Now? All day, every day? And, always? Hmm. I will think on this. For now, just fuck New Year’s and celebrate your right to take a 16-hour nap instead of sleeping. The Eternal Black Now. Gentle Reminder.

Yeah, we can celebrate my birthday. Shut up, whitey.