The Game Awards: Too Many Awards For Games, Not Enough Celebrities

Friends, colleagues, and random strangers on the internet:

The Game Awards ceremony last night was a disappointment- and I, as one of the world’s preeminent games journalists, demand answers on behalf of content producers everywhere.

First off, there weren’t enough celebrities. Where were Tom Holland, Ryan Reynolds, Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Idris Elba, and Scarlett Johansson? Why didn’t they show up? This year’s Game Awards was all awards for games- there were too many awards for games, not enough awards for celebrities.

Secondly, they handed out way to many awards. I demand fewer awards – like, half as many awards, or maybe even fewer. This could have been done if there were more celebrities. At least there was a Muppet again; but why just one? Why can’t we have all the Muppets, including the womb carrier Muppets? Where were the black and brown bodied Muppets, or the differently-abled Muppets, or the Neuro-Fantastical Muppets? Your privilege is showing, The Game Awards.

Also, why didn’t Geoff Keighley put me, as a cis white male privileged real games journalist, on stage to accept an award? There are awards for things like Best Indie Game- why not an award for Most Privileged Gamer? Or Best Content Producer? Where is my recognition? Where is my time in the spotlight?

(I just learned that there was, in fact, an award given to “Content Creator of the Year.” I put that in quotes because there were NO journalists nominated. And a Vtuber won it. While I support the rights of all tubers, both You- and V-, I must ask the question: Why didn’t you give it to me? I single-handedly revived #Gamergate!)

Finally, there were only, like 500 game trailers and ads shown. There’s way more games coming out than that, Geoff?! Limiting it to 500 opens the door for discrimination of marginalized communities and groups, and systemic oppression always follows limits like this. They stopped failing bad students in school years ago, it’s time to apply that compassion to video game trailers. And if we ditch all the award stuff, maybe The Game Awards won’t be so exclusionary next year.

Conclusion: the Game Awards sucked this year, and it’s all Geoff Keighley’s fault. Get him out of there, and bring back Bill Clinton Kid and womb smuggler Muppets. Give me my awards too, because I am better than all of them.