The Problem I See With TikTok Financial Advice (As a Rich Person)

Okay, my budding finance tree-people, gather ’round – it’s time to get real about that TikTok craze that the US just banned. We’ve all been there: mindlessly scrolling, liking vids of cute puppies and epic dance battles, but then – OOPS! – we stumble upon some financial advice from a self-proclaimed “guru” in a portrait mode video (yeah, you know the drill). Listen up, folks, because it’s time to get wise about those shady money tips that might just be leading you astray – all while China chuckles in the background, counting their ill-gotten stacks of cash in their Chinese hands. And you can trust me, because I’m already rich. Therefore, I have no reason to lie to you.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: portrait mode. Now, I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of anything more suspicious than financial advice filmed in an upright orientation. Is this person trying to hide something on the sides of the video? Are they secretly filming with one eye while holding a stack of cash just out of frame? The answer, my friends, is probably a big, fat “yes.” Next time you see a finances-focused vid in portrait mode, hit that “not interested” button faster than you can say “stocks and bonds.”

Now, let’s talk about those so-called “gurus” spouting off about “get rich quick” schemes. Look, I’m no fan of boring old savings accounts with measly interest rates, but when some random person on the internet promises you a million bucks in mere days, SMH. Also shake yours. Don’t fall for it, folks. Do your research, consult an actual professional, and maybe, just maybe, your hard-earned cash will stay right where it belongs – in your wallet, not some shady “investment” opportunity.

Speaking of “investment,” how often do you see those TikTokers flaunting their fancy cars, bling, and vacay pics, only to reveal that their “passive income” strategy involves selling overpriced essential oils or some other MLM nonsense? I’ll let you in on a secret: if someone’s trying to sell you a dream lifestyle in exchange for your cold, hard cash, they’re probably not giving you the whole story. Run, don’t walk, away from those pyramid schemes – your wallet (and your sanity) will thank you.

And finally, we need to address the big elephant in the room – China. You know that if a financial “expert” on TikTok is worth their salt, they’ll be bashing the government, the fed, and pretty much anyone else who might be trying to sway the markets. But if they’re also dropping CCP-related buzzwords left and right, it’s time to get skeptical. If I had a nickel for every time these people didn’t mention “Tiananmen Square,” I’d be rich.

So there you have it, fam – the top ways that TikTok financial “gurus” lead us all astray. But fear not! Keep your wits about you, double-check those claims, and consult actual financial professionals (you know, the ones without the portrait mode videos), and you’ll be on your way to smart money decisions in no time.

Stay savvy, and don’t let those TikTok scams get the best of you!