My Husband Planted A Camouflaged Microphone in My Bedroom!

Let me just start by laying it all out there – I’m not a fan of Android phones. I mean, who really is, right? Apple’s iPhone is the epitome of sleek design, user-friendly interface, and unparalleled security features that make me, as a woman in the suburbs, feel safe. So when I found out that my husband, in his quest for being a giant dork, had planted a camouflaged microphone in our bedroom (yeah, I know, it sounds like something out of a spy movie), my concerns were, understandably, centered around the potential invasion of privacy. But then it hit me – this could be a larger issue that affects all iPhone users (or at least those with “free thinking” friends/family who refuse to do the right thing and use iPhones).

It turns out that many Android phones are equipped with built-in microphones that can be activated by saying something as mundane as “Google,” allowing them to record conversations, track movements, and gather data without the user’s knowledge or consent. While I’m sure Android users are just as appalled by this discovery as I am, the real issue here is that superior phone users like myself are being left vulnerable to these security breaches. It’s like having a state-of-the-art security system in your home, only to find out that one of the cameras is pointing only at you.

We need to demand better from our tech giants. It’s not enough to simply rely on the assumption that our devices are secure. The fact that my husband’s Android phone can hear everything we say in our bedroom should be a wake-up call to all iPhone users out there. We need to put pressure on Apple to make a built-in EMP feature to ensure that we’re not being unknowingly spied on. And to my husband, if you’re reading this, just know that I’m going to need a serious explanation about that microphone in our bedroom. I don’t need Google hearing us doing our business in there!

Be careful out there, fellow iPhone users! Let’s demand absolute fealty to one closed ecosystem and keep pushing for our husbands to stop being dumb. Google is big, evil, and always looking to sell recordings of you to the Chinese. They don’t care about you like Apple does. Get those green text messages, and that evil device, out of my bedroom! Ulgh!