Pittsburgh Steelers Sign Eight More QB’s, GM Retreats to Space Station

Holy smokes! The Pittsburgh Steelers have done it again – but this time, not in the way we’d expect from the storied franchise. In an absolute bonkers move that will have every other team scratching their heads in confusion (and maybe even laughing out loud), the Steelers GM has decided that enough was never enough when it comes to quarterbacks.

First came the signs and trades – Russell Wilson? Justin Fields? We could chalk it up to some sort of desperate attempt at reviving the team’s struggling offense. But then the GM went full-blown crazytown and signed an additional eight quarterbacks! Now, I’m no math expert (or even a sports expert) but that seems like an excessive number of guys who’ll be throwing the ball around on the field (not to mention the number of interceptions they’re bound to rack up).

In a span of a few days, the Steelers signed: Johnny “Johnny Football” Manziel, Ryan Leaf (the infamous number 2 pick behind Peyton Manning), Josh Freeman (remember him? No? Exactly), Tim Tebow (at least he loves Jesus), and even the legendary Brett Favre (who has been retired since 2010).

At this point, I’m not even surprised they also snagged the likes of Tommy Maddox (who played for the Steelers back in the early 2000s), Kordell Stewart (who led the team to two AFC Championship games in the late 90s). But the cherry on top of this madness was the signing of the legendary and ancient Doug Williams (is he even still alive?).

But wait! There’s more! In the midst of this quarterback frenzy, the Steelers GM disappeared off the face of the earth – and I mean that literally! After signing these eight new terrible QB’s he packed his bags (and probably some extra space suits), boarded his personal space shuttle (because why not?), and blasted off into outer space!

Now the football world is left wondering if the GM was actually Jerry Jones in disguise all along (thus scoring a huge win in the Cowboys vs Steelers galactic rivalry that started in the 1970s) or if the Steelers franchise has somehow become the victim of an elaborate troll orchestrated by the unholy internet trinity of 4Chan, incels, and gamers (who knows? Anything’s possible in this bizarre world of ours).

As the team scrambles to find an interim GM (and possibly even a quarterback who can actually play) we can only sit back and watch the chaos unfold. Stay tuned folks, because this story just keeps getting weirder!