Reading Rainbow Was Always Woke (and so were Pudding Pops)

The once innocent world of children’s entertainment has been tainted by the insidious hand of wokeness, and nowhere is this more apparent than in Levar Burton’s iconic show, Reading Rainbow. This program, which first premiered in 1983 and has since become synonymous with childhood literacy and imagination, was in fact a Trojan horse of social engineering – all under the guise of promoting bookwormery and wholesome fun.

Burton, now as much a poster child for “cancel pigs” as he once was for children’s television, has become a beacon of the hypocritical “reading brainblow” movement. This concept suggests that a person of colour merely picking up a book can be subversive to societal norms – a ludicrous notion that would have us believe there’s a secret police force roaming our libraries, ready to pounce on any non-person of colour who dares crack open a page. The idea of reading as a political act flies in the face of its inherent apolitical nature and serves only to divide people into factions of literate and illiterate “woke” crusaders and ignorant masses – a dangerous and divisive narrative in our already polarized world. Just stop it already, Jordi!

But the wokeness doesn’t stop at books; even our frozen snacks have been corrupted by this ideology. Another Levar Burton-adjacent product, Jello’s Pudding Pops, once synonymous with childhood delight and sticky face on hot summer days, have since been revealed to be harbingers of social justice and virtue signaling. This revelation comes as no surprise when one learns of their secret origin story – each Pudding Pop a tiny vial of “pudding power” intended by Bill Cosby to endow those who consume it with the ability to see beyond their privileged existence and hate whiteness.And we all know about Bill Cosby, don’t we?

It’s hard to fathom how such innocuous pleasures as books and frozen treats could become so entangled in this web of wokeness. But perhaps it shouldn’t come as too much of a shock when one considers our current political climate. Biden, the man who would be king of woke America, has made it clear where his loyalties lie – and it’s certainly not in the realm of common sense or preserving our cherished childhood nostalgia. He’s been caught in numerous photos, each one featuring him holding a book while smirking at Pudding Pops, clearly signaling his support for this ideology. He basically wants to outlaw fun, and he’s using reading and icy treats to lure kids into following him like an elderly woke Pied Piper.

In these trying times, it’s more crucial than ever for gamers to stand united against this onslaught of wokeness. We must reclaim our right to enjoy entertainment without being lectured or having our consciences pricked by hidden agendas and politically correct snacks. We’re here to game and have fun – let’s keep it that way!