The Real Reason Millennial Women Are Still Single: Blame Late Capitalism!
I guess I’ll just have to do these off-grid hikes alone then
As a millennial and a writer for a failing clickbait website, I am always looking for new ways to blame my inability to commit on someone (or something) else, usually late capitalism. Here are three reasons why:
1. Work/Life Balance: With longer work hours and fewer vacation days, it’s nearly impossible for millennials to devote time to meeting potential partners and committing to relationships with them. Plus, we’re so tired all the time from working for evil corporations that we don’t even have the energy to scroll through Tinder, which means we can’t even hook up with randoms online anymore. Haven’t you seen those TikToks where women explain how hard it is to have to commute an hour to a job you need just to pay your rent and student loans? It’s exhausting!
2. Financial Stability: Being single means being broke and miserable, especially if you live in New York City, where you need $20k just to afford a room in a shared apartment with five roommates. But if we commit to someone, we might miss out on a promotion or raise at work, or we might have to move in with our partner, who smells funny and doesn’t understand our commitment to off-grid influencing. Also, commitment means buying stuff together, like fancy blenders or air fryers or KitchenAid mixers or whatever else millennials use just to feel less lonely. It’s a trap!
3. Gender Equality: Late capitalism has forced women into a double standard where we need to look hot, be thin, and also be career-driven and committed to our goals. Men just get to be sexy and successful and lazy, which means they never commit to relationships and they always ghost us when we text them back. It’s unfair! And it’s keeping millennial singles single forever! RIP me!
I think I’ve definitively proven that late capitalism has ruined everything for millennials, including our ability to commit to relationships. Let’s fight back! Protest! Rally! And write more clickbait articles for OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM!
