“We Need to Talk:” Why Talking is Almost Always a Bad Idea
Ok, hear me out on this.
Oh, hey, THE JEFF here again. Straight from the airport lounge, where I was contemplating life’s mysteries. And guess what? I’ve got one figured out: talking is almost always a bad idea. It sounds counterintuitive, but (ironically speaking) hear me out. In today’s world of constant connectivity and social media addiction, we’re all yapping away like total idiots. But let’s take a step back and think critically about whether or not any of these “important conversations” really matter. Spoiler alert: They don’t!
Now, don’t get THE JEFF wrong. He knows that some conversation is necessary for survival and human interaction, like asking for food or shelter. After all, how else would THE JEFF order his favorite dish at Wendy’s? I mean, I guess THE JEFF could order from DoorDash or FoodBring or whatever, but let’s be real, folks. Most of our daily interactions are trivial, unimportant, and even chaotically evil. Why? I got some reasons:
Words can hurt: We’ve all heard the expression, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, that’s total bullshit. Words have power, and also staying power. That offhand comment you made about someone’s haircut might stick with them for years. It’s a dumb haircut, but it’s funnier to just let them think it’s not dumb and go about their life.
Listening skills are rare: Let’s face it, nobody wants to listen anymore. As soon as one person finishes talking, everyone starts planning their own witty retort instead of engaging in thoughtful dialogue. How many times have you been in a group setting where only one or two people dominated the conversation? By talking less, you open yourself up to listening more, which leads to better understanding and empathy towards others. Just ask THE JEFF; he’s always listening. Always.
It’s exhausting: Have you ever noticed how physically and emotionally draining conversations can be? You know what takes zero energy? Silence. Instead of trying to carry on a witty banter or debate politics over dinner, try sitting back, zoning out, and enjoying the peace and quiet while thinking about bears or other cute animals. Your voice box will thank you, and so will everyone else within earshot. Your voice probably sounds dumb anyway (remove before posting).*
Lack of introspection: When was the last time you sat quietly with your thoughts without the distraction of social media or other people’s voices? Probably never. By constantly filling our lives with chatter, we deprive ourselves of valuable alone time needed for self-reflection. So do your brain a favor and give it some space to breathe by cutting down on your daily word count. Then you can, like THE JEFF, ruminate and obsess about what’s truly important. Like more bears.
The world doesn’t revolve around you: Yes, this is harsh, but sometimes people need to hear it. Nobody cares about your latest conquest or existential crisis. Save that shit for your therapist or your diary. Trust me, no one wants to hear it, not even them. But remember, just because you feel like talking, it doesn’t mean anyone actually wants to listen to you. Sorry you had to hear that from THE JEFF, but…ok, I guess THE JEFF isn’t that sorry.
So there you have it, folks. Talking might seem essential, but chances are, most conversations aren’t adding value to your life. So before opening your mouth, consider whether or not what you’re about to say really matters in the grand scheme of things. And if you’re unsure, just follow THE JEFF’s advice: shut up.
Until next time, THE JEFF has spoken.
* We intentionally kept this in – ed.
