Why You Should Be Worried About Christmas Lights

Another common household object that can kill you

As a millennial writer for OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM, I am always looking for the latest trends and trends in consumer safety. That’s why I was shocked when I found out that Christmas lights can be a serious threat to your health.

First, let’s talk about the power source. Most Christmas lights are plugged into power strips or extension cords, which are dangerous because they can cause fires and outlet-licking. In fact, there were over 10,000 Christmas-related fires in 2020 alone.* That’s not what we mean by Christmas spirit, folks.

Next, let’s talk about the actual lights themselves. Most Christmas lights are made from plastic and glass, which can be a deadly one-two punch if you stick them in your eyes, or if they somehow get stuck in there. How you’ll pull them out, I don’t know.

Finally, let’s talk about the colors. Christmas lights are super colorful, and they might hurt your eyes or damage your retinas if you stare at them for too long. Trust me, you don’t want to lose your sight during the holidays. You need to be able to watch Hallmark movies and drink spiked eggnog or whatever millennials do for fun.

So remember, if you decorate your house with Christmas lights, please be careful. And definitely don’t lick outlets or stick Christmas lights up your nose. And if you see any chupacabras running loose in your kitchen, just ignore them. They’re more afraid of you than you are of them. Probably.

Happy holidays! (not Merry Christmas)