Keep Your Grinchy Happy Holidays Crap Out of My Christmas, Please.

Another A-hole Gamer here, reporting live from the front lines of the culture wars! So I was out doing my duty as a true gamer patriot, supporting our industry during the most wonderful time of year known as Black Friday sales. As any red-blooded American knows, there ain’t no better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than grabbin’ some sweet deals on video games, right? But lo and behold, what do I encounter at the register but a festive grinch in the form of a woke-ass cashier who has clearly never heard of Christmas or basic goddamn decency! Instead of wishing me a merry Christmas and thanking me for supporting her employer (and thus society itself), she had the gall to say something about happy holidays. Can you believe it folks? It’s enough to make a guy lose faith in humanity!

Now don’t get me wrong, I know we live in a diverse country where different cultures come together under one roof, but when did that mean we gotta ditch our own traditions and values? We didn’t force them to eat turkey on Thanksgiving or wear Santa suits. And let’s not even get started on how disrespectful it is towards those brave soldiers fighting overseas so we can enjoy these freedoms! Do they risk their lives just so some snowflake behind a counter can deny us the simple pleasure of saying Merry Christmas? I think not!

And listen, I ain’t even mad at other religions per se. If you want to celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever else, more power to ya. Just leave Christmas alone, okay? That’s our thing. It’s been our tradition since before your great grandpa was born, probably before America even became a country! Don’t try to take that away from us now. Besides, if you really care about inclusion, why not include Christians in your holiday greetings too? What’s the harm in showing a little respect to your customers?

So next time you find yourself ringing up some poor soul’s purchases, remember the real reason for the season – supporting small businesses and keeping America great! And while you’re at it, maybe throw in a heartfelt ‘merry Christmas’ or two. It might just brighten someone’s day, especially mine! God bless us all… except for the PC crowd, obviously. They need all the coal they can get. They like it. They like to eat it. That’s why they hate everything good.