Why ‘”Food Deserts?” What is This Crazy Language Urban Planners are Speaking?

I combed this food desert and all I found was moldy bread

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Why is there no food here

Food deserts are a term that urban planners use to describe areas where there is no access to fresh produce or healthy food. But what do they mean by this? Are they talking about actual deserts, like the ones in Arizona or Nevada? Or is it just a fancy term for a bad neighborhood? Why can’t they just speak real English for a change?

As a millennial, I am so confused by this language. In this city of hustle and bustle, I don’t have time to sit down and read the dictionary or whatever. I’m just trying to survive and make it in this crazy world. These flashy terms are not helping.

So if you’re an urban planner, please stop using weird terms and just say what you mean. I’m tired of having to ask, “What do you mean by food deserts?” I’m also tired of having to ask my roommates, “Where did you get this moldy bread again?” So let’s stop being cryptic and start being honest, Paige. And for the love of all that is holy, stop getting expired bread from your cousin at Walgreen’s.

Oh, and while we’re at it, can we talk about the fact that there are no good juice bars in my neighborhood? And that the only place that sells avocado toast charges $20 for a tiny bagel? Seriously, this city is nuts! It’s hard enough making ends meet without worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to find some kale chips on my way home from work. Let’s call these places what they really are: “Areas Without Groceries (AGW).” At least then everyone would know exactly what we’re dealing with here.

But hey, maybe someday soon someone will open up a trendy organic market near me. Until then, I guess I’ll keep eating generic bran flakes every morning because it’s all I can afford. Ugh.