A Real Modern Millennial Dilemma: Should I Move to LA or NYC?
Or should I winter in Chicago like some kind of slug person?
Look how happy I am on this LA beach
As a dirty millennial, I am torn between two major cities: New York City and Los Angeles. Those are the only cities millennials care about, amirite? Where else am I going to live? Seatlle? Ugh, why would I want to smell like coffee and homeless people? And Chicago? I already live here! It’s too cold and nobody goes all goo goo gah gah when I tell them where I live!
Anyway, let’s talk about the pros and cons of moving to each city:
New York City Pro: Rent is so expensive it’s basically a right of passage, and you can live in a cool neighborhood with a bunch of other artists and writers that also went to a expensive Ivy League schools and take themselves too seriously. On second thought, all this sounds like a con.
LA Con: It’s also expensive, and there are too many scumbags like OJ Wolfsmasher out there waiting to take advantage of you.*
New York City Pro: There are tons of job opportunities, and you can really make a name for yourself as a journalist or writer or local art scene gatabout or artists’ girlfriend. Or I could start a podcast! Ugh, sounds terrible actually.
LA Con: It’s hard to break into the entertainment industry, and you have to work for free for years before getting a gig. And the next Harvey Weinstein is always lurking around the corner, or maybe even in your cupboard?
New York City Pro: There are tons of cool and trendy places to go out and look cool in, like bars and clubs, and you can find someone to hook up with pretty easily, because these people have no morals. I don’t know where they come from but they are Not. Good.
LA Con: It’s hard to find a date because everyone is so focused on their “acting career,” and you don’t want to be that weirdo who’s always asking people out, Amanda.
In conclusion, while moving to New York is prestigious and has more opportunities for writers and journalists, daily life in the grimy city can be exhausting. Also, people there talk weird. Moving to LA may be easier, but it’s also full of scumbags and scams, so it’s not safe for a young millennial like me. So I guess I’ll just stay here in boring cold Chicago, being a freelance writer and writing articles about how hard it is to be a millennial woman in this city. It’s a tough life, but it’s better than being eaten alive by chupacabras. Yikes!
*Editor’s note: OJ Wolfsmasher does not live in LA, nor does he or she “take advantage” of anyone.
