You Wouldn’t Need a Safe If You Weren’t Hiding Something

Guns. Just the word sends chills up your spine, doesn’t it? Only some people get a different kind of chill when they hear that word. A chill down there, if you catch my drift. And those people were up in (literal) arms recently when their Lord and Saviour Liberty Safe Company decided to just up and give the US Government the master keys to all their dumb gun safes. Was this a good business decision? No, of course not. But sometimes you have to bankrupt your company in order to follow ethical principals, something you gun-owning freaks clearly don’t know anything about.

What are you so afraid of, anyway? You wouldn’t own guns unless you were doing bad stuff to use the guns to protect yourself during the doing of the bad stuff, right? Ooo – they make me so mad I can’t even form coherent sentences!

Maybe you’re afraid of the big bad government coming for your guns and locking you up for not following their every whim. Maybe it’s the idea that other people might see your guns and think you’re a danger to society. Or maybe it’s just the fear that someone might find out that you’re a coward and can’t handle confrontation.

Whatever the case, Liberty Safe Company was right to give the Feds the master keys to all your precious little guns. Because if you’re so afraid of other people finding out what’s in your safe, you probably shouldn’t have guns in the first place. You’re the last person who should have guns, in fact.

Oh, look – I just received word that Liberty Safes is going to let people delete the master codes on their safe, if they so choose. Looks like the bad guys win again. What are you keeping in your safe? Why can’t I see? If you were really a law-abiding citizen like you claim, your safe would be made of glass. But it’s made of some dumb metal, I bet. Let me see your guns!

What do you need freedom for, anyway? The Constitution doesn’t guarantee freedom, you brain-dead gun-toting shark-riding unethical chum bucket of deplorables!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be quaking in fear in a dark room, literally shaking, thinking quietly about all the people whose guns won’t be seized in police raids. Defund the police! Seize the guns! Kill the freedom! Save the lives!

Sorry, it’s just that guns make me SO MAD! asfjsdajflwhjoi;faefalkjfasdl.ljfasd! Ugh!