Psychic Medium: If Travis Kelce tries to date Taylor Swift Again, The Gods Will Injure Him Some More.

Some of the Gods apparently have a message for Travis Kelce, and it has nothing to do with catching balls thrown to him by some sassy Quarterback.

“I was communicating with several ancient Gods last night in my inner sanctum, and they all brought up the same thing – Travis Kelce. Yes, that Travis Kelce,” said Madam Confuso in a Zoom call to her followers today.

“The Tight End for the Kansas City Chiefs?” Reportedly asked one of the followers.

“Yep. He’s all they wanted to talk about. They wanted me to send him a message – Don’t try to date Taylor Swift,” Confuso answered, looking concerned.

Witnesses of the Zoom call say she went on what could only be described as a rant. “Don’t make her bracelets, don’t try to talk to her backstage, don’t send her flowers, don’t even look at her. In fact, stop liking her music,” said the obviously upset psychic.

When questioned as to why the Gods were so adamant about this, she silently conferred with them onscreen for 10 hours, until she finally came back with, “They see her more as the girlfriend of a musician, or at worst, a professional baseball player. Not a player of American football, and certainly not a godsdamn tight end. If he persists in his insolence, we will injure him again.”

She then added, “Mr. Kelce should go after someone more his speed – like Jewel or something, if she’s still alive.”

Frank Flooback, the President of the National Fantasy Football Concern (NFFC), has called upon Travis Kelce to cease and desist.

“NFL players whould think about the consequences of liking things that suck. When you chase after people whose music sucks and who are mid, you get injured, and that costs a lot of innocent Americans fantasy points,” said Flooback, in between swigs of moonshine.

This reporter tried to reach the Gods for comment, but they never talk to me 🙁

But guess who DID comment: None other than Neil DeGrasse Tyson, noted Science Person.

“Injuries aren’t caused by Gods or anything supernatural,” said the superstar of science, “They are caused by our frail human bodies breaking down over time, or colliding with other humans. Madam Confuso is lying. Trust me, I’m Neil DeGrasse Tyson.”

But Madam Confuso wasn’t about to back down. She accused the scientist/luminary of our time of “biting the hand that formed him.”

“The Gods wanted to remind Mr. Tyson, if that is his real name, of his deal with the Atheismo, the God of Science,” she said, making several obscene gestures, “He has a message for Mr. Tyson: Nice career you got there…it would be a shame if something happened to it.”

Needless to say, this is a developing story; but don’t worry, the one-and-only Billly will have updates for you as soon as they come across the wire, only at OJWOLFSMASHER DOT COM!