You Won’t “Believe” These Five New Zoomer Religions!

Oh hey there, are you ready to expand your mind and explore the cutting edge of spirituality? ‘Cause I’m about to blow your mind with these five brand new religions that are taking the Zoomer world by storm. Is one of these right for you? Probably.

Pastafarianism: Hey mon. Just kidding, I’m white! But this religion is all about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created the universe and everything in it (including your favorite pasta dish). The FSM is a chill dude who just wants us to have fun and enjoy life – sounds like a Zoomer to me! But seriously, this one is just Atheists misunderstanding what God is. Best to avoid.

Chinese Democracy: Have you heard of this one band, Guns N’ Roses? Like, they’re so underground but their music is totally out of this world. Chinese Democracy worships the GNR album of the same name as the ultimate expression of divine inspiration.

Dudeism: Dudeism is all about embracing the “dude” lifestyle – which basically means being chill and going with the flow. Think of it like Buddhism meets the laid-back vibes of California surfer dudes. It’s perfect for those days when you just don’t feel like getting out of bed.

Church of Pokimane: I know what you’re thinking: “Zoomie, how is a Twitch streamer her own religion?” Well, let me tell you – there is no greater divine being than the one and only Pokimane! She brings joy, laughter, and positivity to millions of people every day through her streaming content. She’s basically a living goddess.

Discordianism: No, it’s not about worshipping Discord mods, as much as they want it to be. Now if any Zoomer religion was gonna make it on this list, it had to be Discordianism. This one’s all about embracing the chaos and disorder in life – because let’s face it, that’s where all the fun stuff happens! Discordians believe in a dualistic deity called Eris, who represents both order and chaos. So these people believe in nothing, in other words. Best to avoid as well.

So there you have it – five new Zoomer religions that are totally going to change your life (or at least make you think about stuff in a new way). Whether you’re into pasta, guns n’ roses, dudes, Pokimane or chaos itself, there’s definitely a religion out there for you!

Just remember: everyone believes in something, even if it’s nothing. So find what speaks to your soul and embrace it fully! And if all else fails, just become a Pastafarian – the Flying Spaghetti Monster will always have your back (and maybe some delicious marinara sauce too) 🍝😉