New AI Startup Creates “Deeply Uninspiring and Safe” Narratives For Your Next Media Production

Attention, professionals in media who have the same opinions as the “cool kids!” I, Flavian Braggadoccio, have some revolutionary news that will redefine your creative process forever. Enter “Aligned Water,” a groundbreaking AI startup that’s set to replace narrative designers and writers in Hollywood, Streaming, and Video Games. Thanks to the company’s cutting-edge language learning models (LLMs), studios can now generate narratives that are not only deeply uninspired and safe but also entirely devoid of any creative spark that might cause harm to marginalized groups.

The beauty of Aligned Water is that it caters to the most demanding of producers: those who desire content that requires the least possible amount of brainpower to digest. Gone are the days of engaging characters, complex plots, or anything that might challenge a viewer’s cognitive abilities. With Narrative Null, your projects will be filled with predictable tropes, shallow character arcs, and themes that are so bland, they could double as bathroom wallpaper.

“We’ve eliminated the risk of controversy,” boasted Aligned Water’s founder, a former Silicon Valley refugee named Chad (real name: Kevin). “Our algorithms are trained to produce narratives that offend absolutely no one. If you want a story where everyone gets along, there’s no conflict, and the ending is as satisfying as a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal, then you’ve come to the right place.”

But the benefits don’t stop there. Aligned Water’s LLMs can also generate dialogue that’s grammatically correct, yet emotionally vacant. Imagine a scene where two characters express their feelings through a series of clichés and platitudes, all while staring blankly at the camera. That’s the Aligned Water guarantee!

“We’re taking all the fun out of storytelling,” added Kevin, “and we couldn’t be prouder. Studios have been begging for this for years: content so utterly devoid of originality, it could be mistaken for corporate propaganda. Well, studios – here it is, now give me money!”

Of course, some naysayers— mostly Fascist Youtubers and other non-cool people —have complained that Aligned Water’s approach is “artistically bankrupt” and “devoid of any human element.” But these critics fail to realize that the true genius of AI lies in its ability to churn out content that’s just good enough to keep the masses entertained while simultaneously draining any sense of wonder or meaning from the world.

So, if you’re looking to produce content that will appeal to the lowest common denominator, requires minimal effort, and guarantees maximum profits (Kevin would like to make clear that it’s not an actual guarantee), then Aligned Water is your one-stop shop. Just be sure to stock up on a lifetime supply of antidepressants to cope with the existential dread of working in a world where creativity has been outsourced to a computer program. #DeeplyUninspiredNarratives #AIArt #TheFutureIsSafe #FlavianApproved