Trump Executive Order Bans All New Buildings From Having Doors or Windows

In a move that has left architects, builders, and homeowners scratching their heads, President Trump has signed an executive order banning all new buildings from having doors or windows. The order, titled “Executive Order on the Elimination of Unnecessary Building Features,” was announced via Twitter early this morning, with Trump writing: “No more doors or windows in new buildings! They’re a security risk and a waste of money. Make America safe again!”

According to the order, all new residential, commercial, and government buildings must be constructed without any doors or windows, regardless of their purpose or location. The order also mandates that existing doors and windows be replaced with “secure, impenetrable walls” within the next 90 days.

“Look, folks, I don’t need to explain myself,” Trump said in a press conference held shortly after the order was announced. “You know what? I’m the President, okay? And I’ve seen how those doors and windows are just letting in all sorts of bad stuff. Crime, disease, you name it. But not anymore! With this order, we’re taking back control of our buildings, and making them great again.”

Critics have slammed the order as “impractical” and “absurd,” pointing out that doors and windows are essential for ventilation, natural light, and emergency exits. Many have also raised concerns about the potential impact on the construction industry, which could face significant economic losses due to the sudden ban.

But Trump remains unfazed, saying: “These so-called ‘experts’ don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ve built some of the most successful buildings in the world, okay? And I can tell you, doors and windows are just a waste of space. We’ll have more room for gold-plated toilets and Trump-branded furniture!”

The order has also raised questions about how people will enter and exit buildings without doors. In response, Trump suggested that “secret tunnels” could be used as an alternative, adding: “It’s a great idea! Think about it – no more doors or windows, just secret tunnels everywhere. It’ll be like a spy movie!”

When asked if the order would apply to his own properties, Trump responded: “Of course not! I’m the President, okay? My buildings are different. They’re special. But don’t worry, my people will figure it out.”

The order is expected to take effect immediately, with penalties for non-compliance including fines of up to $10 million and imprisonment for up to five years. However, some have speculated that the order may be a prank or a troll by Trump, given his history of making controversial statements.

In related news, the White House has also announced plans to ban all windows in future White House renovations, stating that they are “a security risk” and “too expensive.” The move has been met with skepticism, as some have pointed out that the White House already has a significant number of doors and windows.

As for what’s next, Trump hinted at possible future orders, including one that would require all buildings to be shaped like his own head. “It’s a great idea,” he said. “Think about it – every building in America looking just like me! It’ll be amazing.”