Entire World Fails the “Don’t Celebrate Murder Challenge”

In a shocking display of internet insensitivity, people across the globe have been celebrating the recent murder of United Healthcare CEO, a white male named Brian Thompson. Despite the gruesome nature of the crime – the CEO was gunned down in broad daylight by an unknown assailant – social media has been abuzz with joy and relief at his demise.

It seems the so-called “Don’t Celebrate Murder Challenge” has fallen on deaf ears. For those who missed it, the viral TikTok challenge tasked participants with refraining from reveling in or glorifying the death of another human being – a noble goal that, alas, has been utterly ignored by internet users everywhere.

In a bizarre display of solidarity, left-leaning activists have taken to Twitter to express their glee over the loss of this pasty white Health Care Exec. The hashtag #DenyDefendDepose has racked up millions of views, 99% of which consist of jubilant users taunting and jeering the deceased. One prominent left-wing blogger even penned an op-ed titled “Justice Served: One Less Rapacious White Capitalist to Fuck Us Over.” I mean, sure, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

It’s not just online either – in real life, protesters have been spotted outside the United Healthcare headquarters with signs reading “Thompson deserved this” and “Murder is fine when it’s a bad guy.” Meanwhile, the CEO’s family has issued a statement urging everyone to “not revel in his demise, that’s not cool, bro.” Too little, too late though – the damage is done, the meme has spread, and the whole world is now one step closer to embracing nihilistic, homicidal anarchy.

So the next time you hear people whining about the dark side of the internet, just remember: when it comes to schadenfreude and gleeful murder porn, we’re all winners here. Congratulations, world – you’ve officially flunked the “Don’t Celebrate Murder Challenge” in spectacular fashion. Here’s to many more untimely demises for the entertainment of the masses!