Election 2024: What Have We Learned?

by U.N. Owen

As America teeters on the edge of the Grand Death Canyon known as Trump 2.0 (The Trumpening), it’s valuable to assign blame to those who are wholly responsible for this madness – namely, Joseph “The Body” Biden.

As we brace ourselves for a second round of Trump’s deadly foot soldiers known as The Trumptroopers, whose armored MAGA hounds were responsible for the “disappearance” of over NINE BILLION minorities in the USA in 2017 alone…

…maybe don’t have your regime contact Twitter to have them ban people on your Nixon-style “enemies list,” thus causing it to be purchased by an insane Pro-Trump Billionaire with his own legion of far-right “Musk-eteers.”

And as we shiver in fear under the covers while preparing our souls for a second round of “One-Way Space Shuttle Rides To See the Sun Up Close” for undocumented workers…

…maybe don’t force the mainstream media to cover up your mental deterioration as you descend into a mad cocktail of dementia and hair-sniffing disease, causing an 11th-hour candidate switch.

And as we huddle together in our Seattle tent cities after our homes were annexed and given to random rich white people in some sort of reverse DEI lottery system…

…maybe don’t pander to African-American voters by picking the worst possible future Presidential candidate as your Vice President, thus making her the de facto 11th hour pick to replace you.

And as literal in-uniform Nazis take office in Washington and change our National Language to 1940s German Accents and change our National Anthem to some song about Trump…

…maybe don’t cheer for terrorists or assassination attempts.

That’s all I got. *heads off to secret bunker*