INSTANT REGRET!! Let’s Perpetuate the Forever Culture War By Reacting in a Predictably Vitriolic Way to Obvious Woke Provocations! COOKED!
BAKED, even
Let’s Perpetuate the Forever Culture War! – Everyone loves spending time in the crossfire of a never-ending culture war, especially when you have the right tools. This is the Golden Age of Content! That’s why I’ve decided to create the perfect reaction video template. It’s all too easy to react to any given piece of “woke” media, but let’s see how far we can push this thing. Here are the rules of the template:
1. Start off by introducing yourself, and your viewership, with the usual suspects of buzzwords like “woke” or “sjw”. This is how you establish yourself as someone who’s “not like the others” while being exactly like everybody else. It’s a good thing! It shows people exactly what you are, so they can dismiss, or like, accordingly.
2. Explain why this is an “Obvious Woke Provocation.” What makes this so special? How does it offend you, personally, and your viewership? What about the media in question is particularly egregious? Feel free to consult other content for ideas. We’re all on the same team, after all.
3. Talk about the “Vitriolic Way” you and your audience are reacting to this provocation. How are you reacting to it? How is your audience reacting to it? What does this mean for the woke provacateurs? Bonus points for using the phrase, “Get woke, go broke.”
4. Finally, explain why it’s all “INSTANT REGRET!” What could possibly go wrong with perpetuating the culture war like this? What is it going to cost us all, in the long run?
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Now, let’s put it into action. Let’s take the popular Disney film Moana as an example. Here’s my reaction video template, ready for the masses:
“Hey there, Gamers and Woke People! Another A-hole Gamer here to talk about Moana. It’s an Obvious Woke Provocation. The movie is about a young Polynesian woman who is chosen to save the world, and she’s a woman, so it’s obviously woke.
But we, the real gamers, are reacting in a vitriolic way. We’re boycotting it and telling our friends not to watch it. And the thing is, Disney’s going to Instantly Regret it! They’ll lose money, they’ll get negative publicity, and they’ll realize they shouldn’t have made such an obvious woke movie. It’s the perfect reaction video.”
That’s it, folks! You’ve just made your own perfect reaction video, and it’s ready to go. All you have to do is plug in your own piece of “woke” media and follow the template. You’re guaranteed to get thousands of views and become a hero to the culture warriors out there. Have fun!
