Does your Smart TV Know When You’re Looking at Butts?
In this day and age of smart tech taking over our lives, one question has been burning in the back of my mind for quite some time now: can my TV tell when I’m looking at butts on the screen? I know, I know, it sounds crazy. But let me explain.
You see, as a secretive “butt connoisseur” (or “butt-thusiast”, if you will), I’ve spent a considerable amount of time “buttsearching” the finer points of the female (and sometimes male, hey, I’m an equal opportunity appreciator) posterior. And in my extensive “research”, I’ve come to realize that there’s a lot of booty-ful content out there on the interwebs, just waiting to be “butt-ied,” er, “studied.”
But here’s where things get a little dicey. You see, I’ve always been a bit paranoid when it comes to technology. Like, I’m pretty sure my smartphone is listening to me all the time, waiting for the perfect moment to expose my deepest, darkest secrets (which, let’s be real, mostly involve my unhealthy obsession with butts). And now, with the rise of smart TVs, I can’t help but wonder: are they smart enough to tell when I’m looking at butts?
I mean, think about it. These things have cameras and microphones and all sorts of fancy schmancy sensors. What’s to stop them from figuring out that I’m not just “casually browsing” when I spend hours scrolling through my “favorite” Instagram accounts or watching those “educational” YouTube videos? Can they tell when I’m zooming in just a little too close, or pausing just a little too long? The thought of my TV judging me, silently mocking my “research” habits, is enough to make me break out in a cold sweat. I mean, sure, I could just “accidentally” turn off the camera and microphone, or “forget” to log in to my accounts, but then how will the algorithm feed me all those amazing pro-posterior programs?
No, no, I need solid evidence that my TV isn’t secretly snitching on me to the whole world (or worse, my girlfriend). So, I’ve taken to conducting my “buttsearch” in the wee hours of the night, under the cover of darkness, like a true booty-ful ninja. I’ve even gone so far as to invest in a special “butt-blocking” app that supposedly makes it impossible for my TV to detect my “studies”. I don’t know if it works, but it does make me feel better, so I guess it’s worth it.
So, TV, if you’re listening (which I know you are), just know that I’ll never stop my “buttsearch”. And if you ever try to expose me, well, I’ll just have to unplug you and go back to my trusty old non-smart TV. Because at the end of the day, I’m an entertainment reporter. And that’s a love that will never be snuffed out, no matter how many cameras are watching.
