I Think My Smart Litter Box Just Ate My Cat

As a millennial writer for OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM turned influencer on cats, I have always been a cat lover and advocate. But recently, I started noticing strange behavior from my own cat, Mr. Nutface.

He had been using this brand-new Amazon Smart Litter Box that had just arrived, and everything seemed to be going great. I checked the app every day to make sure he’s regular, and sure enough, he was. His bladder seemed fine, too. I thought my litter box problems were finally solved. But that’s when I experienced a cat-tastrophe.

One day, I checked the app and noticed that there was an error message, which meant that Mr. Nutface hadn’t pooped. I ran downstairs to check on him, and that’s when I discovered the shocking truth. Mr. Nutface was gone.

I started digging around in the litter box, and that’s when I saw it. Tiny little bits of orange cat fur. Oh no! Could Mr. Nutface have been devoured by the Amazon Smart Litter Box itself?

I started digging and digging in the app, and that’s when I found the horrifying truth. The Amazon Smart Litter Box had indeed devoured my cat due to an “software- induced anatomical anomaly.” But that’s not the worst part. The worst part was that my cat had been turned into a spooky cat ghost that was now haunting me every night. He was so mad about the smart litter box thing. I tried to tell him it’s not my fault, but he keeps betting on sports and spitting Tender Vittles on me while I sleep. I got rid of all the cat food, so I’m not sure where he even finds it. Ugh!

I decided to report the Amazon Smart Litter Box to Amazon and ask for a refund. But when I checked my email, I saw that Amazon had sent me a very polite response, stating that no refunds can be given. They pointed me to the EULA, which clearly stated that there were possible side effects including death and ghostification. So I guess that’s on me.

I’m still dealing with the emotional trauma of losing my cat and the financial strain of paying for Amazon Prime without Mr. Nutface around to look cute while I buy stuff I don’t need. But I’m holding out hope that someday, a brave, enterprising millennial will step up and design a better, cat-safe, smarter litter box that isn’t a deadly trap. Until then, I guess I’ll just have to learn to live with my spooky cat ghost and constant manual litter-box cleanings.

Yikes!