A.I. Cures Cancer; AMA and Insurance Companies Sue OpenAI for “Unethical” Training Data, Demand Time Machine So They Can Go Back and Uncure It.
It would be a metaphor, but you people are trying to make it real
Example of an Insurance Industry Spokesperson probably
Oh, snap! Hold onto your monocles, my fine, wealthy, and possibly soon-to-be-cancelled readers, because we’ve got a real doozy of a story on our hands! It’s the scandal that’s got the stuffy old folks at AMA HQ all up in a flap, and it’s got the insurance bigwigs crying “foul” like a bunch of whiny little babies!
That’s right, I’m talking about that time last month when those mad geniuses over at OpenAI finally cracked the code on a genuine, bonafide, no-joke-this-time AI-powered cure for cancer. And I don’t just mean one of those “it-shrinks-the-tumors-a-little” cures – I’m talking total and utter obliteration of the Big C, like it never even existed. It’s the medical miracle we’ve been waiting for, like, forever!
Except, uh, turns out not everyone is jumping for joy. Oh, no. See, turns out some of those real stick-in-the-mud, party-pooper, wet-blanket types over at the American Medical Association and their little insurance industry pals are all throwing a tantrum about it. Apparently, they’re super butt-hurt because, and I quote, “This unethical use of artificial intelligence sets a dangerous precedent for the future of medical research and patient care!”
“Not only do we demand this so-called ‘life-saving cure’ but rolled back and hidden from everyone but the rich, the super-rich, the ultra-rich, and Jeff Bezos, but also we demand a functioning time machine so we can go back and stop it like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator II,” said an Insurance Industry Spokersperson.
Wow. Just… wow. I mean, really, what kind of monster would want to deny the sick and suffering a chance at life just to protect their precious little profit margins? I mean, I know money talks and all that jazz, but c’mon! Have a heart, you greedy goofs!
But don’t worry, my fellow wallet-wielding warriors – this fight’s not over yet! A grassroots movement of angry, cancer-stricken folks are rising up and demanding their right to, well, not die of cancer! And you know what? I’m right there with ’em, fist in the air, ready to shout “Let the AI heal us!” at the top of my lungs!
So, what do you think, OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM readers? Is it worth delaying life-saving medicine so we can protect the sanctity of “ethical” AI? Is a few more deaths worth it if it means setting a good example for the robots of tomorrow? Let us know in the comments below* – but remember, keep it classy, keep it spicy, and for the love of god, don’t mention the “R” word**. We don’t need another bot apocalypse on our hands.
*good luck with that
** I think he means “robots” but I’m not sure – OJ
