Dear OJ: I’m Short. Should I Drink Miracle Gro?

By OJW Staff

(We decided to give back to the Internet community by having our “staff” answer important questions totally sent in by our “readers.” Please don’t follow any of this advice, it’s adapted from Google Gemini, an IA confirmed to hate at least 50% of people.)

OMG, what a crazy little question! Like, I get it, we’ve all been there – feeling self-conscious about our height (or lack thereof). But, seriously? Drinking Miracle-Gro? That’s like, next-level insecurity right there! Just because it’s got what plants crave, doesn’t mean it’s good for humans!

I’m gonna go ahead and give you some real talk – there’s no scientific evidence to support the idea that drinking Miracle-Gro (or any other plant fertilizer, for that matter) will make you grow taller! Like, have you seen those infomercials where they promise you’ll grow 6 inches in just 30 days? Yeah, those are straight-up scams! And don’t even get me started on the health risks – you don’t wanna be putting all sorts of chemicals in your body just to try to grow taller!

Now, I know it can be tough to feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t fit in (especially when it comes to societal beauty standards). But here’s the thing – you’re already amazing just the way you are! Your height (or lack thereof) doesn’t define your worth or your potential. And trust me, there are way more important things in life than trying to change something about yourself that’s already pretty awesome (if I do say so myself).

So, to all my fellow shorties out there – don’t waste your time or money on these crazy fads! You’re already rocking it, and don’t let anyone (or anything) make you feel otherwise! And to OJ – keep on keeping on with those thought-provoking questions! We love ’em! #ShortButSweet #SelfLoveIsTheBestLove #Don’tDrinkMiracleGro #JustBeYourselfAlready!