Borderlands 4 Review: A Premium Cash Grab for Premium Hypocrites

Alright, listen up, woke sheeple! Another A-Hole Gamer is here to tear apart Borderlands 4—the latest “premium” trash dump from Gearbox and their band of hypocritical, wallet-gouging elites. Let’s dive into why this game is a pathetic excuse for entertainment and why Randy Pitchford needs to STFU about being a “premium gamer.”

Performance Issues? More Like Performance LIES

First off, let’s talk about the blatant frame droppage this game serves up. They’re limiting consoles to 30fps? REALLY? In 2025? Like, how is this acceptable? Oh right—because Pitchford thinks we’re all millionaires with gaming PCs that cost more than a used car. Newsflash, Randy: NOT EVERYONE OWNS A ROCKET-ACCELERATED PC TO PLAY YOUR OVER-HYPED SHOOTER. The fact that DLSS is basically required to run this game is a slap in the face to console players and AMD card owners. But hey, congrats on uniting us in rage, I guess?

“Premium Game for Premium Gamers” My Pimply White Ass

Pitchford’s Twitter rant about this being a “premium experience” for “premium gamers” had me choking on my Doritos. Bro, you’re charging $70 for a game that looks like it was ported from a 2010 Xbox 360 title. The only “premium” thing here is the price tag and your delusion that someone thinks you’re cool. Real gamers don’t need DLSS to enjoy a game—real gamers demand playability. But sure, blame us for complaining about the tweaks we need to play what you sold as “premium.”

Writing Direction? More Like Writing DIRTrection

Let’s not pretend the story here is anything but corporate slop. Previous Borderlands games had personality—Katagawa Jr’s’s ego, Tiny Tina’s chaos, even the cringe-worthy Claptrap had charm. But 4? It’s a bland, corporate-safe mess that probably got approved by some HR-approved focus group. The villains are forgettable, the dialogue sounds like it was written by last year’s woke AI model, and the “deep lore” is shallow as a swedish pancake. If you thought Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands was weak, prepare to snooze through about 1000 hours of this garbage.

Conclusion: A Game for NPCs

In short, Borderlands 4 is a cash grab wrapped in hypocrisy and spewed out by people who think “premium” means charging extra for broken features. The writing’s as dull as a AAA studio’s moral panic agenda, the performance is a middle finger to console players, and Pitchford’s ego needs its own DLC.

But hey, if you’re one of those sad sacks who thinks “gatekeeping” means defending broken games from criticism—good luck with that. The rest of us will be over here playing Borderlands 2… or better yet, working on modding 4 to run at 60fps and provide actual jokes.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ (“So bad it made Claptrap sound intelligent.”)

Support AAHG by boycotting this trash and buying merch instead! Link in the description. OJ Wolfsmasher Dot Com—keeping gaming toxic since 2017.