Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Hasan and Asmongold ‘Kiss and Make Up Like Real Men’

In a move that has left Twitch streamers and political pundits alike scratching their heads (and probably wondering if they’ve accidentally clicked on an Onion headline), President Trump has signed an executive order demanding that popular Twitch personalities “HasanAbi” and “Asmongold “”kiss and make up like men.” Yes, you read that right – the leader of the free world is trying to mediate a Twitch drama feud.

The order, titled “Executive Order on Resolving Streaming Disputes with Manly Solutions,” was announced during a press conference where Trump declared, “These two guys have been fighting for months now. It’s getting embarrassing! They need to man up and kiss already, the tension is unbearable.”

For those who may not be in the know, Hasan and Asmongold are two of the most popular streamers on Twitch, known for their political commentary and World of Warcraft streams respectively. The duo has had a long-standing feud that has played out publicly over various platforms, with toxic fans of both sides weighing in.

But Trump isn’t having it anymore. “I’m tired of seeing these grown men acting like little kids,” he said during the press conference. “It’s time to put an end to this nonsense once and for all.”

According to the executive order, Hasan and Asmongold must participate in a live stream together within 30 days, where they will be required to “kiss and make up” on camera. The specifics of what exactly “kissing and making up” entails are unclear, but Trump hinted that it might involve some kind of physical affection, including a mandatory smooch.

“This is about more than just two streamers,” Trump explained. “It’s about setting an example for all of America. We need to show the world that we can resolve our differences like men – with manly solutions for men and men alone!”

The response from both Hasan and Asmongold has been…underwhelming, to say the least.

Hasan tweeted, “I’m flattered that the President of the United States is paying attention to my Twitch drama, but I think I’ll pass on the kissing part. Maybe we can just hug it out instead?”

Asmongold was a bit more direct: “Look, I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. President, but I don’t think streaming rules are really within your jurisdiction. Can you focus on actual issues like healthcare or something?”

But Trump seems undeterred by their lack of enthusiasm. “These two streamers don’t know what they’re missing,” he tweeted after the announcement. “For example, a kiss from me is a priceless gift – just ask my wives!”

The internet, as always, has had plenty to say about this latest executive order.

One Twitter user, @PixelPugAltAccount3, quipped, “I wonder if Trump will be streaming their ‘make up’ session on his own channel. That would be just like him. #PresidentialTwitch”

Another, @QuantumQuips, joked, “Maybe they can do a charity stream while they’re at it – all proceeds go to the US army!”

As for what’s next? Who knows with this administration! One thing’s for sure – as long as there are streaming feuds and political controversies, there will always be material for crazy executive orders. Stay tuned, folks! This ride is far from over.