Trump Executive Order Demands Cage Match Against Karen Bass
It was always going to come to this
In a move that has left political pundits and wrestling fans alike scratching their heads (and probably rubbing their eyes in disbelief), President Trump has signed an executive order demanding a cage match against Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass. Yes, you read that right – the leader of the free world is challenging the mayor of LA to a battle inside a steel cage. It’s like something out of a bad action movie…or possibly a really weird dream I had once after eating some bad poutine. Is this real life?
The order, titled “Executive Order on Settling Disputes Man-to-Man (or Woman-to-Man, as the Case May Be),” was announced during a rally in Florida where Trump declared, “Karen Bass thinks she’s so tough! She’s been talking smack about me and my policies. Well, let me tell you something, brother – it’s time to take this to the cage!”
For those who may have missed it, LA has been rocked by massive protests in recent days over ICE deportation sweeps. Mayor Bass has been a vocal critic of Trump’s immigration policies, calling them “cruel” and “anti-housekeeper.” She also led one of the largest “No Kings” protests against Trump on June 14th.
But Trump isn’t having it. “Karen Bass is just another failed Democrat who doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” he said during the rally. “She’s been spreading fake news and trying to make me look bad. Well, let me tell you one thing, brother – she won’t know what hit her when I elbow drop her right in those dumb glasses!”
According to the executive order, Mayor Bass must accept Trump’s challenge within 72 hours or face “severe consequences.” The specifics of these consequences are not clear, but Trump hinted at potential legal action and maybe even an attempt to have her removed from office.
“This is about more than just a cage match,” Trump explained. “It’s about standing up for what’s right and putting an end to all this nonsense. Karen Bass thinks she can talk tough, but I bet she won’t accept my challenge. She’s all bark and no bite – just like the rest of these weak Democrats.”
The response from LA officials has been…underwhelming. Mayor Bass’s office released a statement saying they are “currently reviewing the executive order and will respond legally in due course.” However, sources close to the administration say there is internal panic over how to handle such an unusual demand.
“This is insane,” said one member of Mayor Bass’s staff who wished to remain anonymous. “Our mayor is supposed to be running a city, not fighting in some kind of gladiatorial contest with the President! I can’t believe she’s actually considering this!”
Meanwhile, Trump has appointed his personal bodyguard, Randy “The Enforcer” Ross, to oversee the preparations for the cage match. Ross, who has no experience in cage fighting but is reportedly “very good at enforcing things,” will be responsible for finding a suitable venue and ensuring that the rules are fair (or as fair as Trump wants them to be).
“Randy is going to make sure everything is on the up-and-up,” Trump tweeted after the announcement. “He’s got great taste in cages – trust me on this!”
The internet, of course, has exploded with memes and jokes about the new executive order. #CageMatch2025 is trending worldwide, with people sharing their predictions for who will win and what kind of crazy stipulations Trump might add to the match.
One Twitter user, @PixelPugAltAccount, quipped, “I hear Trump is already planning his entrance music – something from Eurythmics, I bet.”
Another, @QuantumQuips, joked, “Maybe they can make it a triple threat match and throw in Speaker Pelosi for good measure!”
As for Trump, he’s already hinting at more executive orders targeting his political opponents. “Karen Bass is just the beginning,” he tweeted mysteriously. “Stay tuned – things are about to get a lot more interesting in American politics! I can do anything…ANYTHING! Including cage fighting! Hashtag Trump Rules!”
This latest move from the Trump administration has left many wondering what’s next. Will Mayor Bass accept the challenge? Will there actually be a cage match between the President and the mayor of LA? Only time (and a whole lot of weirdness) will tell. Stay tuned, folks! This one’s gonna be a wild ride.
