I Can Feel My City Sinking and I Blame Trump

Hey! Something terrifying is happening in cities all across America—and guess who’s to blame? That’s right, it’s Donald J. Trump himself! Studies have shown that most US cities are sinking (millimeters, but still) every year, but don’t worry about climate change or geological processes—that’s just a distraction from the real issue: Trump’s evil plan to make our coastal communities disappear! Like, into the water!

Think about it: why would Trump care about infrastructure when he can just let our cities sink into oblivion? It’s not like he has any actual policies to help struggling communities—or even basic human empathy. No, he’d much rather watch us drown in a sea of his own making while he golfs at Mar-a-Lago. Does he even know how to underwater golf?

But wait, it gets worse! Trump’s climate change denial is only accelerating the problem. By refusing to acknowledge the very real threat of rising sea levels, he’s condemning our cities to an even faster demise. And don’t even get me started on his lack of infrastructure spending—it’s like he wants our roads and bridges to crumble beneath us!

So what can we do about this nightmare scenario? Well, first things first: vote Blue no matter who! We need to get rid of Trump and all his enablers in Congress if we want any hope of saving our sinking cities. But that’s not enough—we also need to hold them accountable for their crimes against humanity.

That’s why I’m calling on all my fellow liberals to join me in a nationwide protest against Trump’s sinking agenda! We’ll march, we’ll rally, and we’ll make our voices heard until he finally admits defeat and resigns from office. And if that doesn’t work? Well, then it’s time for some good old-fashioned civil disobedience—because sometimes you have to break a few laws to save the world!*

So come on out and stand with me against Trump’s sinking cities! Together, we can fight back against his evil plans and create a better future for all Americans. Because let’s face it: if we don’t act now, it’ll be too late. Our cities will be gone forever—and then where will we go? To Mar-a-Lago? I think not! Not even I, Karen Plate- Crabdip, am rich enough for that!

So let’s get out there and show Trump that we won’t go down without a fight! Our cities are sinking—but our spirits will never be broken! And together, we can build a better world for all—one that doesn’t involve living underwater or being ruled by a man who thinks climate change is a hoax. So what do you say? Are you with me?

* Editor’s note: don’t. – OJW