GOD, TO INTERNET: “STOP TRYING TO MAKE RACISM A THING. YES, YOU TOO.”
‘Bout time we got some prophets up in here
Hey, OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM readers! I’m Jesus Smith, your spiritual guide to the absurd, and today’s story is so wild, it might make you question whether you’ve been living in a simulation. Get ready: God has spoken. Again. But this time, He’s not here for your dating life or your ability to pronounce “Psalms” or “Revelation.” No, folks—He’s here to shut down the whole “Racism is OK when I do it” movement once and for all.
According to a series of viral tweets from the mysterious Prophet Steve (@DivineDadBod on X), God has made it clear: racism is always bad, no exceptions. “Thus sayeth the Lord: You think you’re being ‘woke’ by calling out white supremacy? Bro, you’re just playing checkers while the game is chess,” the prophet said in a recent TikTok. “I am the Lord your God, and the Lord your God doesn’t care if you’re hating on Asians, blacks, latinos, or even white people. It’s all hate, and that’s why it’s bad. I feel like I have to explain this to you like you’re five, because you are a stupid, stupid people.”
The revelation comes after a string of bizarre internet trends—like “reverse racism” debates, “cultural appropriation” think pieces, and the infamous “But I’m not racist!” meme—that have left theologians scratching their heads. Enter Prophet Steve, who recently said in a Threads prophecy corner: “And God said, ‘You know what’s not cool? When you try to make racism work in 2025. It doesn’t compute. It never has.’” The prophet added that the Almighty is particularly annoyed with people who say things like, “Well, I would’ve been a slave, so I’m allowed to hate white people.”
And get this: God’s message isn’t just about not being racist—it’s about rejecting the idea that racism can ever be “justified” or “rebranded.” “You think you’re fighting systemic oppression by weaponizing it? You’re not a warrior, you’re a villain in a Marvel movie,” said Prophet @DivineDadBod. “The only thing God wants from you is to stop trying to make hate sound like a movement.”
But at the same time, Prophet Steve notes God’s message to Right-Wing X accounts: “I am the Lord. I am not white. I am not Jewish or Anti-Jewish. I’m motherfucking God, and if I say that black and brown people are ok, then you should probably remember what I did to all the previous people who tried to make racism work. How’d that work for Hitler, I wonder? I forgot what happened to that guy, can anyone remind me? Oh, that’s right, he’s super dead and so are the Nazis. Thus sayeth the LORD.”
So, what’s the takeaway, fam? Stop trying to twist racism into a “hot take” or a “deep read.” Just… don’t be racist. And if you’re still confused, hit us up in the comments below. Meanwhile, share this article if you want to spark some divine controversy. Follow OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM for more updates on God’s very opinionated takes on modern life. Until next time—stay woke, stay righteous, and above all, don’t be a jerk. –Jesus Smith, OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM.
