Why You’re Doomed If You Ate This One Common Food From Your Childhood

Editor’s Note: It has come to our attention that the author of this piece has – for years – been compensated “on the side” by a shady company that sells a seemingly endless variety of pills. We strongly advise against taking anything this author says seriously.

Also, this article only applies to products sold before 1988. Current-day “Dippin Dots” are safer than baby carrots to ingest and enjoy. In fact, why don’t you go to the grocery store right now and get some!

Did you ever eat that neon green, artificial-flavored, sugary junk called “Dippin’ Dots”? You know, the ones that looked like little ice cream pellets but tasted like liquid plastic? Well, if you did, you may be in for a world of hurt.
According to a recent study by the International Journal of Food Science and Technology, Dippin’ Dots contain a substance called “Flavor Enhancer X,” which has been linked to spontaneous human combustion. That’s right, folks – if you ate those little pellets as a kid, you could literally turn into a human bomb at any moment.
But wait, it gets worse! The study also found that the flavor enhancer in Dippin’ Dots is not only flammable, but it’s also highly addictive. That means that if you ate those things as a child, your body may have developed an uncontrollable craving for the stuff, and now you’re stuck in a cycle of self-destruction.
But don’t worry – there’s still hope! The study also found that if you eat a specific combination of foods, you can counteract the effects of Flavor Enhancer X. Specifically, you need to consume a mixture of kale, quinoa, and chia seeds, mixed with a tablespoon of activated charcoal, and then set it on fire. Yes, you read that right – you need to set your food on fire to save yourself from becoming a human bomb.
But wait, there’s even more bad news! The study also found that if you try to stop eating Dippin’ Dots cold turkey, you may experience withdrawal symptoms such as spontaneous combustion, hallucinations, and an overwhelming urge to set things on fire. So, if you’re trying to quit Dippin’ Dots, be sure to keep a fire extinguisher nearby at all times.
In conclusion, if you ate Dippin’ Dots as a child, you may be doomed to a life of spontaneous combustion and self-destruction. But fear not – there’s still hope! Just remember to eat your kale, quinoa, and chia seeds, set them on fire, and try not to burn down your house.
P.S. If you’re looking for some extra help with your Dippin’ Dots addiction, check out our line of ZZZZZonky Dippin’ Dots Withdrawal Pills. They’ll help you kick the habit and keep your body from spontaneously combusting. So, go on! Take these magic pills and save yourself from becoming a human bomb!
P.P.S. And if you’re already a human bomb, don’t worry – we’ve got pills for that too!