Trump Executive Order Bans Biden’s Ghost From Haunting White House
I don’t think he’s dead yet, Donald
In a move that has left many scratching their heads, President Trump has issued an executive order banning the ghost of Joe Biden from haunting the White House. The order, titled “Executive Order on Banning Spooky Biden from the People’s House,” was signed at a press conference held in the Oval Office, where Trump declared, “We’re done with this ghost nonsense. It’s creepy and un-American.”
According to the order, any attempts by Joe Biden’s ghost to manifest itself within the White House grounds will be punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a $5 million fine. The order also mandates that all White House staff undergo mandatory training on how to identify and neutralize ghostly activity.
“This is about making America safe again,” Trump said during the press conference. “We can’t have this Biden ghost running around, trying to sabotage my presidency with his spooky, shadowy presence. We had to hide all the autopens. It’s just chaos. It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to the American people.”
Critics have accused Trump of being superstitious and paranoid, pointing out that ghosts are not real and that the executive order is nothing more than a publicity stunt. But Trump remains unfazed, saying, “I don’t care what you say, I know what I saw. That ghost was there, trying to sleep on everything. Sleepy Joe was here. And let me tell you, I’m not having it. No ghosts. This order makes the White House a ghost-free zone.”
The order has also raised concerns about its potential impact on the First Amendment, as many argue that it infringes upon the right to free speech and assembly for ghosts. But Trump has defended the order, saying, “This isn’t about free speech, this is about national security. We can’t have ghosts plotting against us from beyond the grave.”
In response to the order, the apparently still-alive Joe Biden has issued a statement through Kamala Harris, saying, “I’m just here to help. I don’t understand why Donald is so upset. All I wanted to do was remind him that he lost the election, but I guess that’s too much for him to handle.”
The executive order has also led to a surge in demand for ghost hunters and paranormal investigators, as many Americans are now worried about the potential presence of Biden’s ghost in their own homes. Some have even started offering “Biden Ghost Removal Services,” with prices starting at $499.
When asked about the feasibility of banning ghosts, Trump responded, “Listen, folks, I’m a genius. If I can build a wall, I can definitely build a ghost barrier. We’ll have the best ghost barrier ever.”
The order is expected to take effect immediately, with the Secret Service tasked with enforcing the new policy. Trump has also hinted at possible future executive orders, including one that would ban the ghost of Nancy Pelosi from haunting the Capitol Building and another that would require all ghosts to wear MAGA hats.
As for the rest of the world, Trump has a message: “If you’ve got ghosts, you can keep them. But we’re America, we do what we want. And in my America, there’s no room for spooky Biden or any other ghost.”
