What To Do If You Mistakenly Ingest Seed Oils

Oh no, you did it. You accidentally poured that canola oil into your skillet instead of olive oil, or maybe you thought the “vegetable oil” at your buddy’s apartment was just… regular vegetable oil, not that cancer-causing soybean crap. Don’t panic, but also, kind of panic. Here’s what you need to do:

1. **Stop eating whatever it is** — Like, immediately. If you’ve already swallowed it, well, congrats on your newfound risk of heart disease and inflammation. But at least don’t add insult to injury by consuming more of that poison.

2. **Chug some water (but not with lemon)** — Flush that garbage out of your system. Just avoid adding any citrus or other “healthy” stuff that might make your body *absorb* the seed oils faster. Nature’s got a sick sense of humor like that.

3. **Pray to the Omega-3 gods** — Seriously, throw some fish oil pills down your throat. Or better yet, eat a whole sardine straight from the can. The omega-6s from those seed oils are wreaking havoc in your body, so you need to counterbalance with some actual good fats.

4. **Take a long, hot shower (no, not like that)** — You need to sweat out the toxins. Seed oils aren’t just bad on the inside; they’re probably seeping into your skin from that “organic” lotion you used yesterday too. Scrub yourself clean, both physically and morally.

5. **Never. Ever. Trust. Another. Label.** — This is the most important step. From now on, you have to become a label detective. No more “vegetable oil,” “sunflower oil,” or “corn oil” in your pantry. Only pure, unadulterated lard, tallow, or butter (ideally grass-fed). Your ancestors would be proud.

Look, I get it—mistakes happen. But let this be a lesson: seed oils are the corporate food industry’s way of saying, “We don’t care if you live past 60.” Stick to ancestral fats, avoid processed crap, and maybe one day humanity will stop looking like bloated, inflammatory hot air balloons. Until then? Stay vigilant, my fellow fat-accepting MAGA winners!