Trump Executive Order Bans Global Warming
Why didn’t anyone think of this before?
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the scientific community and environmentalists worldwide, President Trump has issued an executive order banning global warming. The order, titled “Executive Order on Making Global Warming Illegal,” was signed at a press conference held in the Oval Office, where Trump declared, “We’re done with this global warming nonsense. It’s confusing, and it’s time to put an end to it.”
According to the order, any attempts to “manipulate” or “fabricate” climate change will be punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a $5 million fine. The order also mandates that all weather patterns must be adjusted to reflect the President’s desired temperature range, which he has set at a “perfect 85 degrees Fahrenheit with a light breeze.”
“This is about making America great again,” Trump said during the press conference. “We’re not going to let these weather patterns and their fake temperatures ruin our economy with their ridiculous carbon taxes and windmills. We’re going to take back control of the weather, and if that means freezing the polar ice caps or nuking the sun, we’ll do it.”
Critics have slammed the order as “unscientific” and “dangerous,” arguing that global warming is a real and pressing issue that requires immediate action. Many scientists have postulated that human activity is the primary driver of climate change, and that ignoring the problem could lead to devastating consequences for the planet.
But Trump remains unfazed, saying, “These scientists are all patsies on the payroll of the deep state. They want to keep us down, they want to make us feel guilty for using our cars and flying in our planes. But I’m here to tell you: there’s no global warming! At least not in my America, after today.”
The executive order has also raised concerns about its potential impact on the economy, as many industries rely on accurate weather predictions for their operations. Farmers, for example, have expressed worry that artificial weather control could disrupt crop yields and lead to food shortages.
Despite these concerns, Trump has promised that his new policy will bring “unprecedented prosperity” to America. “We’ll have the best weather ever,” he said. “No more hurricanes, no more tornadoes, no more snowstorms. Just perfect, sunny days every day of the year.”
When asked about the feasibility of controlling the weather, Trump responded, “Listen, folks, I’m a genius. I’ve built hotels and casinos, okay? I know how to make things happen. If I can build a wall, I can definitely build a weather machine.”
The order is expected to take effect immediately, with the National Weather Service tasked with enforcing the new policy. Trump has also hinted at possible future executive orders, including one that would require all clouds to be “fluffy and white” and another that would make rainbows last longer.
As for the rest of the world, Trump has a message: “If you don’t like it, tough. We’re America, we do what we want. You can try to stop us, but we’ll just nuke you.”
