Trump Executive Order Establishes ‘Wokebuster’ Website to Report and Combat ‘Un-American Activites’
Who you gonna, um, call?
In a bold move that has left the left scratching their heads and the right cheering like it’s the Super Bowl halftime show featuring Luke Bryan, President Trump has announced the launch of a new website called “Wokebuster.usa.” The site, which is billed as a “one-stop shop for fighting against woke propaganda,” aims to combat the “liberal media’s war on truth” by providing Americans with a platform to report and combat “woke content.”
According to the President, the site will allow users to submit examples of “woke propaganda” they encounter on social media, in the news, and in everyday life. The submissions will then be reviewed by a team of “experts” (to be selected by Trump), who will determine whether the content is, in fact, woke.
“If it’s woke, we’ll bust it,” Trump said during a press conference at Mar-a-Lago, where he also unveiled a giant inflatable hammer labeled “Wokebuster.” “And let me tell you, folks, we’re not going to take it anymore. The woke mob has been running wild for too long, but not on my watch. We’re taking back our country, one woke tweet at a time.”
The site will also feature a “Hall of Shame” for celebrities, politicians, and corporations who have been caught spreading “woke propaganda.” Those who make the list will be subject to ridicule, mockery, and the possibility of being “Denali’d,” which is said to be a fate worse than death.
“Let me tell you, if you end up in the Hall of Shame, you better hope you have a good PR team,” Trump said, pointing a menacing finger at the camera. “Because we’re going to make sure everyone knows just how woke you are. And trust me, folks, it’s not going to be pretty.”
Critics have already taken to social media to mock the site, with some pointing out that the URL “Wokebuster.com” is actually owned by a small business that sells gardening supplies. “Maybe Trump should focus on the real issues, like getting more people triple-vaccinated or fixing the supply chain,” Blueskied disgraced journalist Taylor Lorenz. “But nah, let’s waste time on a website that’s probably going to get hacked by a 12-year-old.”
Despite the criticism, Trump remains undeterred. “Let me tell you, folks, this is just the beginning,” he said, before taking a sip of Diet Coke, whom he admitted had sponsored the announcement. “We’re going to be launching so many new initiatives, you’re going to need a whole new website just to keep track. And when we’re done, America will be great again… again.”
In the meantime, users can already access the beta version of Wokebuster.usa, which currently features a single example of “woke propaganda” (a tweet from Hillary Clinton) and a “Donate Now” button that redirects to the Trump campaign website. The site also includes a disclaimer stating that “Wokebuster.usa is not responsible for any harm caused to anyone or anything while using this website.”
