Trump Executive Order Requires All New Foods to ‘Taste Like Chicken.’

President Trump has signed a new executive order requiring all new foods created in the world to “taste like chicken,” as part of his ongoing efforts to combat the spread of bird flu, and the corresponding “chicken insecurity” that has plagued much of the world. The order, which has been dubbed “Make Food Great Again Again,” is the latest in a series of controversial measures taken by the Trump administration to address the ongoing chicken and egg pandemic.

Speaking at a press conference held at a KFC in the White House basement, Trump said, “Let me tell you, folks, no one knows more about food than me. I’ve eaten a lot of it, some of the best food, you wouldn’t believe how good the food is. And I can tell you, this is a real problem we’re facing here. Bird flu is a disaster, a total and complete disaster, and we need to take action, unlike that Biden.”

Under the executive order, all new foods created anywhere in the world must be designed to “taste like chicken,” with the exception of actual chicken, which is exempt from the order. The order also requires that all existing foods that do not currently taste like chicken must be modified to do so, with a deadline of January 2026 for compliance.

Trump has appointed himself as the “National Chicken Taste-Tester” and will be personally overseeing the implementation of the order. He has also said that he will be traveling the world, sampling new foods and ensuring that they meet his exacting standards for “chicken-likeness.”

Critics have slammed the order as “ridiculous” and “unenforceable,” pointing out that many new foods, such as plant-based frankenfoods and lab-grown proteins, are explicitly designed to avoid tasting like animal products. They also argue that the order is a clear violation of international trade agreements and will likely result in retaliatory measures from other countries.

But Trump remains unapologetic. “Let me tell you, folks, this is going to be the best-tasting food you’ve ever had,” he said, “I’ve got the best advisors, everybody knows it. They’re telling me that this is the way to go, okay? Trust me, you’ll think you’re eating chicken, and you’ll love it.”

The order has also led to a backlash from the food industry, with many companies saying that it will be impossible for them to comply with the new regulations. “This is going to be a logistical nightmare,” said one executive at Fake Meat Inc., “we haven’t even started developing our planned “chicken flavoring spray” made out of chemicals and drywall, how are we supposed to make stuff taste like chicken?”

Trump has been quick to dismiss these concerns, saying, “Fake news. These companies will figure it out, they’re smart people. And if they don’t, we’ll just have Mexico pay for it.”

The executive order is expected to take effect immediately, with the FDA tasked with enforcing the new policy. Trump has also said that he plans to issue additional orders requiring all foods to be served with a side of gravy, and to be eaten with a fork and knife. He also hinted at a possible executive order requiring all drinks to “taste like Coca-Cola.”