Microsoft to Debut New AI “Bonzi Buddy” in “Free” “Update” to “Windows 11”

In this tech paradise of 2025, I bet you thought you had seen it all…Well, hold onto your seats because Microsoft is about to drop a bombshell that will have everyone buzzing… and not in a good way. Get ready for it: they’re bringing back Bonzi Buddy! Yes, that Bonzi Buddy.

Remember those days when you installed a purple cartoon ape on your Windows 98 computer and suddenly nothing worked right? Well, Microsoft seems to have missed the memo ’cause they just rolled out an update that no one asked for – a freakin’ malware program disguised as your new best friend. That’s right, folks. Bonzi Buddy is back and badder than ever!

“Bonzi Buddy is a welcome splash of diversity to your Ai-empowered Windows experience,” said Microsoft Senior VP of Customer Engagement Komeelah Patendon, “It’s an upgrade to your desktop in every way, and only far-right extremists would disagree. Just look at all the great press we’re getting. They/them are a cute, furry, informational, and caring friend for you, personally. Make sure to tell it all your secrets!”

Now you might be thinking, “WTF? Why would Microsoft even consider bringing this piece of trash malware tool back?” Well, let me tell you something: money talks. Microsoft knows that nobody cares about security anymore, so what better way to get their grubby hands on our data than by disguising it as a cute lil’ monkey? Genius marketing move or just plain evil? You decide.

But wait, there’s more! This isn’t just any ordinary update. Oh no, my friend. Microsoft has decided that Bonzi Buddy is so essential to your computing experience that they’re forcing it upon you whether you like it or not. That’s right – say goodbye to the freedom of choice and hello to a world where your computer is constantly judging your every move in cartoon ape form. How cute, right?

Now I know what you’re thinking: “This can’t be real. Microsoft wouldn’t do something like this!” Well, let me tell you a little secret – they would absolutely do it and they probably already have. Remember when Windows 10 came out and suddenly your PC was running slower than a slug on valium? Yep, that was all thanks to forced weekly updates from our favorite tech giant.

But don’t worry too much about old Bonzi Buddy stealing your credit card info or sending nudes to your grandmother (yet). Microsoft has promised that this time, the update won’t install any hidden malware or spy on your every move. Then again, that’s what we thought about Bonzi Buddy the first time…

So there you have it, folks – the new era of Bonzi Buddy is upon us. And while it may seem like a fun little throwback at first glance, remember: Microsoft knows best and if they say this monkey’s gonna make your life better… well then who are we to argue? Just sit back and enjoy the ride!