New Jersey Drones EXPOSED!! Behind the Scenes of Biden’s Secret Plot to Impress Snooki

You might think that after our girl Kamala Harris’s devastating loss to that orange Trump, Biden might take some time to reflect on how his old-ness, white-ness, and man-ness cost our side the most important election ever. But ever the old white man, Uncle Joe decided that NOW was the time to unveil the secret project he’s been funding with our tax dollars – an army of mysterious drones designed to impress New Jersey icon and former reality TV gremlin, the one and only “Snooki.”

That’s right, folks. While you were busy trying to convince yourself that we really won the 2024 Presidential election, Biden has been pouring billions into an underground bunker where teams of scientists and engineers are working tirelessly to build an army of drones that can do the one thing Biden desires most at the end of his senile old man life – get Snooki to follow him on Instagram.

But here’s the real kicker: sources inside the White House say that Biden has become so obsessed with Snooki that he’s even started to model his fashion sense after her. That’s right, folks – our Commander-in-Chief is now walking around in bedazzled jean shorts and leopard-print tank tops, trying to impress a woman who hasn’t been relevant since 2012. It’s like watching a slow-motion trainwreck, except the train is filled with old white guys trying to be cool.

And all of this would have remained secret had the desperate current President not sent the giant drone-thingys to hover over Snooki’s house day after day, sending all of New Jersey into panic mode. Was it China? Was it Russia? Nope, it was, as per usual, a white man trying to impress a girl. This is basically our version of the Trojan War, with Snooki as Helen.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Karen, this is crazy! How could Biden possibly think that he can win over Snooki with an army of drones?” Well, let me tell you something: you clearly don’t understand women. Biden is banking on the fact that Snooki is a sucker for attention, and what’s more attention-grabbing than having the President of the United States send you a fleet of unmanned aerial vehicles? It’s like when a guy buys you a drink, except instead of a drink, it’s an invasion of your personal airspace. Talk about a power move!

But I digress. The point is this: Biden’s secret drone project is the perfect example of what happens when you put a senile old man in charge of the free world. It’s like if your grandpa suddenly got a TikTok account and started trying to go viral. It’s cringey, it’s embarrassing, and it’s a perfect metaphor for the state of our country.

So if you’re tired of living in a world where the President is obsessed with a Jersey Shore reject, where our tax dollars are being spent on building drones that can do the Macarena, and where the future of our nation rests in the hands of a man who thinks that impressing Snooki is America’s #1 priority – then you better start preparing for 2028. Because at this rate, we’re all going to need a lot of therapy and a whole lot of wine to get through the next four years. But hey, at least Biden’s drones will probably be able to mix a mean cocktail.