AMAZON UNILATERALLY DECLARES THE HOBBIT ‘NON-CANONICAL’, BLOWS UP TOLKIEN FOUNDATION
Frodo never existed, eat it CHUDs
As you may know, Amazon’s The Rings of Power has been receiving some less than favorable reviews from hardcore Tolkien fans who feel the show doesn’t align with the spirit of Middle Earth. Well, it seems like the mega-corporation has had enough, and has taken some rather extreme measures to ensure that Tolkien fans HAVE to support their slop going forward.
In a surprising move, Amazon has unilaterally declared J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit as non-canonical to the Legendarium, effectively erasing this classic work from the official Lord of the Rings timeline and lore. This controversial decision comes on the heels of reports that Amazon paid Modern Audience Activists (MAA) to stage an invasion and destruction of the Tolkien Foundation in a blatant attempt to silence critics of Amazon’s new and corrective series.
“We feel that The Hobbit does not align with our vision for Middle Earth,” an unnamed Amazon spokesperson stated. “It’s time we move beyond the limitations imposed by Tolkien’s outdated worldview and create something fresh that resonates with modern audiences.”
When asked about the bombing of the Tolkien Foundation, Amazon simply replied with a shrug emoji and a tweet saying “Sorry not sorry, Tolkien stans! Time to accept the change or GTFO.”
This is a developing story, but it’s clear that Amazon is not playing around. They seem hell-bent on rewriting Tolkien’s works to better fit their narrative goals, no matter the cost to the original material or its fans.
In a seemingly related move, Amazon Studios gave journalists a sneak peek at a whopping eight (8) new LOTR series that are in active development. Little is known at this time, but one excited journalist who wished to remain anonymous gave me this quote: “I can’t say much, but suffice to say that this will make Tolkien’s works future-proof by basically turning Sauron into Trump, and Frodo into Malcolm X.”
The Tolkien Foundation could not be reached for comment for some reason. Looks like this is our life now.
