With “Women No Work, Still Get Paid” Act, Canada Finally Achieves Total Equity
It’s time to get valued for who you are and not what you do, ladies
In a landmark move that will surely make feminists worldwide swoon, Canada has officially become an egalitarian utopia with the signing of the groundbreaking “Women No Work, Still Get Paid” Act. Introduced by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as part of his ongoing quest to make Canada a better place for women (and himself), this revolutionary legislation ensures that women are guaranteed equal pay for less work done.
“We’re not just equal now – we’re better,” proclaimed Trudeau at the historic bill-signing ceremony, where he was joined by a sea of Canadian feminists and 90s alt-rock cover bands playing “Complicated” on loop. The crowd went wild as the PM declared that “men will now be forced to fund women’s lives without any of the hard work associated with being human.” Trudeau added, “Finally, we can all just relax, make more art, and get paid for it!”
The Act stipulates that any woman who has ever been a woman (including trans women who identify as female, but not trans men who do not, as they have canonically never been women) is entitled to full financial support from the nearest male, regardless of their relationship or occupation. If a man is unable to financially support a woman, he can choose from a list of approved “Man-Credits” providers, including Canada’s largest banks, telecom companies, and Non-Profit Foundations such as “Lovers of MAID.”
The Act’s proponents argue that it will solve the gender pay gap once and for all, ensuring women are valued for who they are (not what they do) and compensated accordingly. Critics counter that this is a brazen attack on men’s rights, forcing them to subsidize their partners’ or ex-partners’ lifestyles without any consideration for their own careers or aspirations. They also express concerns about the law’s ambiguous definition of ‘woman,’ which leaves room for interpretation by radical feminists.
Still, in Justin Trudeau’s eyes, this is a major coup for Canada and its women – and he’s not wrong. In a country already notorious for its anti-male bias and cult-like devotion to the PM, this move is sure to solidify Canada’s status as the most woke country on Earth. And if some men have to work extra hours to fund their partner’s Netflix binge-watching habit? Well, that’s just what you get when you date someone who’s better than you in every way. “You’re welcome,” Trudeau reportedly told his wife Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau before signing the bill into law.
While many in the U.S. are expressing skepticism about Canada’s new egalitarian paradise, the Canadian public remains steadfastly loyal to their beloved PM – even if they don’t fully understand the details of the Act. After all, if someone as perfect and enlightened as Justin Trudeau says it’s a good idea, then who are we to question? Especially not now that women can just chill at home and rake in the Man-Credits, amirite?
