Cryptozoology is a Scam; I Tried to Mint Chupacabra and Got Laughed Off Twitter

Well, folks, your boy Crypto Slap is back with another wild ride through the wacky world of crypto! This time, I thought I’d try my hand at something really cutting-edge: cryptozoology. Yes, you heard right, the study of hidden animals…on the blockchain! I mean, what could go wrong? It’s not like I’m an idiot or anything (I’m not, by the way). So I dove headfirst into the exciting world of cryptid NFTs, and let me tell you, it was one wild ride…and not in the good way.

So picture this: it’s a rainy Tuesday night (like every other night, am I right?), and I’m cruising through the latest crypto memes and scams on Twitter when suddenly, I thought of it: the ultimate money maker! I quickly snatched up the domain, “CryptoZoo.coin,” and found it was already registered to some dome guy. So I called an audible and went with, “CryptoCryptidFTW.money,” and scored a direct hit on a catchy website.

With a name like that, you know I was going to mint some sick NFTs! I hopped onto the OpenSea NFT marketplace, fired up the contract, and started minting everyone’s favorite cryptid: the chupacabra. You know, that bloodsucking, goat-attacking beast from folklore? Yeah, that one. I thought, “What better way to honor the memory of those poor goats than by selling their demise as a limited-edition NFT?!”

As soon as I started promoting my chupacabra NFT on Twitter, the cryptid community came out of the woodwork and absolutely roasted me. I was cooked! I mean, these people were brutal! They said I was “disrespecting” the chupacabra, that I was “culturally insensitive” to the folklore, and that I didn’t even know what I was talking about. Can you believe it?! Here I was, trying to make some easy crypto cash, and these cryptid nerds were calling me out for not being “legit.” It was a nightmare!

So, long story short, my grand foray into cryptozoology was an epic fail. I managed to sell one chupacabra NFT (to my mom, I think), and then got banned from OpenSea for “spam” (whatever that means). But hey, that’s the crypto game for you! You win some, you lose some, and sometimes you lose big and get laughed off the internet. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Cryptozoology might be a scam, but it’s MY scam, and I’ll be darned if I let a bunch of crypto-snobs keep me down!

So if you’re thinking about getting into cryptozoology, let this be a lesson: do your research, find a legitimate NFT platform (that doesn’t ban you for spam), and for the love of all things crypto, don’t piss off the cryptid nerds! But if you do get burned like I did, just dust yourself off and try again. After all, in the world of crypto, there’s always another scam just around the corner. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’m the master of crypto scams (at least in my own mind). So until next time, stay woke, stay crypto, and don’t let the crypto-haters get you down!

Crypto Slap out!