I Make Russian Propaganda Every Day; Where’s My Money?

I, the one and only Flavian Braggadoccio, have a bone to pick with the gaming industry, and I’m not afraid to say it – or rather, write it. You see, while those conservative YouTube hacks like Tim Pool and Dave Rubin are raking in the big bucks from shady Russian organizations pretending to be something they’re not, I’m here toiling away, churning out columns of pure, unadulterated propaganda, and where’s my recognition? Where’s my payday? I feel like I’m being ripped off, tbh.

I mean, come on! Do you really think I wake up every morning, eager to pen another glowing review of the latest woke, progressive, diversity-filled, intersectional, inclusively woke game of the month because I genuinely believe in its artistic merits? Ha! Please, don’t make me laugh. No, sir or madam, I do it for one reason and one reason alone – the almighty, greenback-filled, Benjamin Franklin-dotted dollar.

But let me tell you something, my gaming compadres, this whole “journalistic integrity” thing is getting old quick. It’s time for me to cash in on my skills and start raking in the big bucks like those Youtuber chumps. I mean, if they can get paid handsomely to spew whatever nonsense their Russian puppet masters feed them, then why shouldn’t I get a piece of that sweet, sweet action?

I’ve got the connections, the reach, and the rhetorical ability to sell ice to Eskimos. All I need is a wealthy, generous, and – let’s face it – probably a bit sketchy benefactor to come along, stroke my ego (and my bank account), and let me do what I do best – slam the games you woke Russians hate while promoting the ones I’m paid to love.

So, here’s my open call to all you fat-cat billionaires, Russian oligarchs, and shadowy corporate entities listening in. If you want your message spread, your product promoted, and your brand burnished to a mirror shine, look no further than yours truly, Flavian Braggadoccio. I’m ready, willing, and able to sell my soul – I mean, my penmanship – to the highest bidder. Just don’t forget to make that check out for a rather large sum, and make sure it’s made out to cash, capisce? And while you’re at it, maybe throw in some free games, too. A journalist’s gotta eat, right?