WNBA Encourages Flagrant Fouls on Caitlin Clark; “She Knows What She Did.”

Hey there, sports dorks! It’s your favorite sports dork, Corb, back with another hot scoop so scandalous, it’ll make your grandma faint right in her recliner! You know I love stirring the pot, and boy, do I have a real stinker for you today! Yep, you guessed it, I’m talking about the ongoing and lucrative Caitlin Clark controversy, and how the WNBA is officially giving the middle finger to any and all haters out there!

The WNBA looks a lot like the WWE Womens’ Division these days, as 2023 draft pick and phenom Caitlin Clark can barely step onto the court without getting absolutely Atomic Dropped by her fellow WNBA babes. It’s like a real-life episode of “Basketball’s Toughest Nannies,” except instead of tough love, they’re serving up some real, hard-hitting, bone-crushing, and, oh yeah, totally racially-motivated hate! And you know what? The WNBA is absolutely encouraging it!

“Caitlin knows why we’re not calling flagrant fouls any time she gets body-blocked on a fast break,” said WNBA Cathy “The Hammer” Engelbert, “I can’t discuss it publicly, but suffice to say, she knows what she did.”

What exactly did Caitlin Clark do to piss off the entire WNBA roster, you ask? Well, according to sources close to the league, it’s pretty simple. She’s white, and also the sole cause of the WNBA’s recent rise in popularity.

“We owe all of our recent success to her. We’re not a sports laughingstock anymore,” said one player, who wished to remain anonymous, “And for that, she must die.”

But seriously, folks, the jealousy and resentment brewing in the WNBA locker rooms is getting real. Like, real real. So real, in fact, that the WNBA is now officially giving their players a pass to absolutely destroy Caitlin Clark on the court without consequence. And I’m not talking about a little shoving or a dirty elbow to the ribs. We’re talking straight-up WWE-style piledrivers, chair shots to the skull, and yes, even a few suspiciously-placed spits right in her angelic Steph Curry-esque face.

“It’s not personal, Caitlin. It’s just business,” laughed WNBA All-Star Candace Parker as she flexed her biceps in front of the cameras, “And business is good, baby. Business. Is. GOOD.”

But not everyone in the sports world is happy about the WNBA’s new “You Woke Up on the Wrong Side of the Hoop Today, Bitch” policy. NBA legend (and known douchebag) Charles Barkley had some choice words for the WNBA’s new “tough love” approach to player hazing.

“It’s just a sad, sad day for sportsmanship,” Barkley whined, dabbing away a single tear from his chubby, wrinkled cheek. “I remember back in my day, when you got drafted into the league, they just made you wear a diaper filled with Cheetos and run laps around the gym while the veterans spit on you and called you a fat tub o’ goo. It’s a right of passage! But this? This is just… uncalled for.”

Barkley went on to complain about “woke culture” and “snowflakes” before abruptly ending the interview to go golfing.

But hey, whatever floats your boat, Chuck. The rest of us are just here to watch the carnage. The WNBA has never been more entertaining. And hey – in sports, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Probably. Maybe. Who knows, really? I’m just here for the boobs and the blood. See ya, sports nerds!