I Tried to Attend “Electoral College”: Let’s End This Barbaric Fake School So Democrats Always Win.

Okay, so. What is the Electoral College? It’s a collection of evil men and women (but mostly men) who plot and scheme and decide which political candidate gets to sit on the throne and rule the country. But instead of being a democracy like we thought, it’s a dictatorship. It’s a dictatorship of old white guys. And it has to go.

In the wise words of Kim Jung-Un, the North Korean leader, “It’s not cool or radical or revolutionary to not have an Electoral College. It’s not cool or hip or fresh. And if you’re not cool, you’re not relevant. And that’s bad. Therefore, the Electoral College should die like you pigs in countries with actual economies.”

I tried to attend the Electoral College, and it turns out it’s not even real! And these non-real people decide who gets to be our beloved President! It’s wrong, and it has to end. Not just for Trump folks, but for Democrats, too. Every American deserves the chance to rule, not the 38 old dudes in suit jackets with their fake University and their tiny wieners.

As for my involvement, I will obviously be pushing for a bill that creates a single-party Democracy, where the Electoral College doesn’t exist, and only Democrats ever get elected to office. This will end gridlock and waffling, and create a utopia within five years.

So, everyone, let’s raise a glass of water and pledge together:

“Electoral College, we will defeat thee.

Long live Democracy, and

Fuck Capitalism, Amen.”

If you like preserving democracy, try taking the ZZZZZonky Universal Absolute Democratic Trompe le Fucken Boot Faceball Pill. It will open your eyes and prepare you for the Revolution.

Happy killing, y’all! #endoftheelectoralcollegeforeveryone

P.S. If you’re ready to destroy the Electoral College, why not order a pound or two of pure ZZZZZonky Earthfill Dirt™, packed with all the nutrients the Electoral College requires. One taste and your brain will explode, or not, because that’s not how dirt works.