How to Heat Your Home with Just One Spare Cat and a Modified Treadmill

We here at OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM just came up with an idea, probably a good idea. With home heating costs on the rise, as well as the gross proliferation of felines, it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots. This is a timely idea that just may save you up to [PLACEHOLDER] dollars each month on your heating bill.

No, I don’t know exactly how to do it. I’m either an electrician nor a zoologist. But I’m pretty sure you get the gist of where I’m going with this. How hard can it be? You need heat, and you have a spare cat and a treadmill you never use. This is like mining bitcoin, but without the guilt. What if, instead of sucking your life force and whining at you, your cat could do something useful with its little legs?

It must be stated very clearly that there is no law for or against using a spare cat as some sort of electrical generator/fitness influencer, no matter what your so-called “friends” might try to tell you. Trust us, we’ve checked pretty hard. Cats are supposedly domesticated, right? Think of it like having a tiny pack mule. What could be wrong with that? Do you hate mules?

And before PETA gets all up in arms about this and throws paint on your catskin coats, let’s be clear about one more thing: These are SPARE cats, not real family pets. They’d be neglected anyway. Everyone has a spare cat lying around. Does PETA not support spaying or neutering pets to control the cat population? Do they just want cats running amok and being elected to political office? No, this idea is good. Some might say necessary. Not us, but some.

In conclusion: Cat. Treadmill. Electricity. ????….

Profit.