Am I the Only One Who Cares That Evil Elites Removed Touchpad Buttons From Laptops?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Slamara, are you seriously crying over spilled touchpad buttons?” And to that, my friend, I say: yes. Yes, I am. You see, I’m an activist, and I’m here to fight the good fight against the Great Laptop Tyranny that has befallen us all. And you’re damn right I’m making a scene about it.

I’m talking, of course, about the heinous act of evil elites who have conspired to make our laptops worse than they already are. They have gone and removed the good, old-fashioned touchpad buttons that we all know and love, replacing them with weird, oversized touchpads that act like they’re actually doing us a favor.

So we all hate these new touchpads that were pioneered by CHINESE manufacturer Lenovo, and now have spread to Dell, HP, and even Apple. It’s like these tech companies got together at some secret meeting in a mountain fortress, where they said, “Let’s make touchpad buttons a thing of the past. Let’s remove the little joy that people had from their lives. And if anybody complains, we can just hire a fake reviewer army to tell everyone it’s an amazing new feature. We will live forever from drinking their tech tears.”

I mean, honestly, who even thought of this idea? I bet it was just some guy sitting in his little office, rubbing his hands together like a cartoon villain, cackling manically: “Yes, yes. No more clicky-clicky buttons for the plebeians! They will have no choice but to tap on the bottom of the touchpad eternally!” It’s clunky and it’s confusing. But most of all, it’s classic anti-consumer bullshit we always see from the likes of Blackrock and their elite ilk.

When I talk to people about this, I get nothing but blank stares. It’s like y’all hve been brainwashed to accept these CHINESE-FUNDED laptop nerfs. But not me. No sir. Slamara Cavendorsch, journalist activist extraordinaire, will go down fighting. I will carry this torch until the elites of Davos sit down, shut up, and put the buttons back where they belong. That, or they’ll send literal Blackwater soldiers to take me out, but whatever. I’m willing to live and die on this hill. Viva le touchpad buttons!