WNBA to Fans: If You’re Here for Caitlin Clark, You’re Racist and We Don’t Want You
As always, the problem is the fans
typical new WNBA fans
Hello there, sports dorks! It’s ya boy Corb the Sports Dork, back with another hot take so spicy, it’ll make you spit your peanuts all over your couch! You know me, right? I’m the guy who’s not afraid to call ’em like I see ’em. And what I see, my fellow sports nerds, is a whole lot of racism and sexism against those amazing WNBA athletes, all because of one little white girl with a jump shot. Yes, my friends, I’m talking about the Caitlin Clark debacle, and how the WNBA is finally standing up and saying “Enough is enough!”
If you’ve been living under a rock (or, you know, just haven’t been obsessively refreshing Twitter like a good little sports dork), you probably haven’t heard of Caitlin Clark. Or rather, you have heard of her, because she’s been dominating headlines and social media feeds everywhere. That’s because this 22-year-old (yes, 22) basketball prodigy just wrapped up an absolutely jaw-dropping career at the University of Iowa, where she broke literally every scoring record in women’s college basketball history. Oh, and she also led the Iowa Hawkeyes to their first-ever Title Game appearance. You know, just casually.
But here’s the thing, my fellow sports nerds. While it’s undeniable that Caitlin Clark is one hell of an incredible basketball player (and yes, I’ll admit she’s kind of hot), there are some in the W W N B A (Womb-Havers Never Be getting enough Attention, get it?) who are, let’s say, less than thrilled about all the attention she’s been getting. And it’s getting ugly out there, even amongst the beautiful babes of women’s basketball.
See, the thing is, the WNBA has fought long and hard for recognition, respect, and, most importantly, money. And while it’s true that the league has come a long way in recent years, there’s still a long, long, long way to go. And some WNBA veterans fear that all their hard work and sacrifice is going to be overshadowed by one talented (and super duper white) rookie who’s getting all the media attention and adoration that should rightfully belong to them.
“It’s racist,” fumed one unnamed WNBA star who didn’t want to jeopardize their endorsements. “It’s just straight-up racist. Why isn’t anyone talking about A’ja Wilson? Or Breanna Stewart? Or hell, even Candace Parker? They’ve been killing it in the league for years, but no one cares, because they’re not blonde and blue-eyed basketball barbies.”
When asked if NBA players in the early 1980s should have resented Magic Johnson and Larry Bird for causing the NBA to skyrocket in popularity, the same unnamed player said, “I don’t know who those people are. What are you even talking about right now? Look, if you’re going to continue this conversation, you’re going to have to Venmo me some cash.”
And another player, who requested anonymity because she didn’t want to be labeled as “bitter,” added, “It’s not even just about the racism. It’s homophobic, too. I mean, come on, what about the trailblazing work of LGBTQ+ WNBA players like the legendary… uh… you know what? My agent said I couldn’t talk about this either. Forget I said anything. Just know that we know who pays our bills, and it ain’t no straights.”
But finally, the WNBA has had enough, and they’re putting their foot down and telling it like it is. “Listen up, so-called ladies,” WNBA commissioner Cathy Engelbert (yeah, I had to Google her name, too) said in a recent press conference. “If you’re here watching WNBA games because you’re hoping to see Caitlin Clark, we don’t want you. You’re just making the other gals jealous, and we’re starting to see the claws, and the flagrant fouls, come out.”
Engelbert continued, “We’re tired of being compared to the men’s league, or being relegated to stupid, condescending nicknames like ‘Weak NBA.’ We’re not some second-rate, watered-down imitation of the NBA. We’re the WNBA, dammit! And if you can’t respect us as the talented, dedicated, and incredible athletes that we ALL are, then you can take your sexist, racist asses and go root for the Harlem Globetrotters. You might see them dunk. Ooooo wow, dunking is so coooool!”
So, there you have it, sports nerds. The WNBA is speaking its truth, and I, for one, couldn’t be more here for it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some important research to do. Research involving watching the highlights of Caitlin Clark. She’s giving me an Indiana Fever! (That’s the name of her team. The Indiana Fever. See? You learned something, finally.)
