The Weird Trick to Making Your Coffee Taste Like a Unicorn Threw Up In It
It’s like cream and sugar, but whimsical
As a millennial writer for OJ Wolfsmasher or @Teeheesumthingdotcom, I am always on the lookout for healthy and sustainable ways to make my morning coffee even tastier. Not only can it be better for the environment, but it’s also more delicious. Who wants to drink boring old plain coffee anyway? I want mine to be a rainbow and bean water smoothie!
Here is the science-proven and mother-approved way to make your morning coffee so special you won’t recognize yourself after you drink it…are you ready? Drum roll please…
1. Flavor Pods – Purchase a handful of flavor pods from your local pharmacy. Make sure they’re sugar-free and nut-free if you’re allergic, or lactose-free if you have that issue. What are flavor pods, you may ask? They’re like Tide Pods but significantly less toxic and more flavorful. Also, they can’t be used to clean your clothes. Trust me on this.
2. Tom’s Famous Milk Munch – Fill up your bowl with a can of coconut cream and a handful of ground cinnamon. Mix it together until it looks like a weird baby with purple hair and a mustache. No milk or sugar here, just natural goodness. Try it, it’s tasty and also makes your skin glow in the dark.
3. Donut Coffee Bag – BAM! Pop one of those fancy “instant donut” bags into the cute mug from your last trip to Disneyland, and fill it up with hot water. Let it sit for a few minutes, and then bite it like a bagel! You’ll taste a smooth, sweet bliss with a hint of pastry flavor. It’s like a party in your mouth, and unicorns are invited!
4. Unicorn Velvet Sponge – Soak a regular sponge in liquid white chocolate and rainbow sprinkles for a few days. Then, just pop it in your coffee and let it bloom! You’ll have a vibrant, colorful, sweet, and crunchy unicorn sponge that’s at once both art and science. A real treat for the millennial with a sweet tooth!
So, there you have it. These easy tricks will make your morning coffee so delicious that you’ll forget you’re an actual millennial woman with adult problems and responsibilities. At least for a few minutes. Then, you can add some CBD Oil or LSD to help you truly forget! Go nuts. (Not literally. Or maybe…yeah, be safe, Sarah. Be really, really safe!)
