75% of Your Important Thoughts are Probably Stupid. Here’s How to Overcome Your Dumbness, Naturally.
Stupidity doesn’t have to be hereditary
you don't have to wear this cap anymore
Do you ever feel like your mind is a little slow? Like you’re missing out on all the smart thoughts that other people seem to be having? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. 75% of your ideas and thoughts are “probably stupid.” That’s not me using a pejorative, that’s a scientific term, dummy.
Meet Dr. Panmela Horcrunch, a renowned psychologist and inventor of the ZZZZZonky Brain Expansion Pill. Dr. Farnsworth believes that you can overcome your dumbness with natural chemical substances found in labs around the world.
“Take one Brain Expansion Pill a day and you’ll be having smart thoughts left and right,” she says. “Just don’t take too many, or you’ll probably die. I mean, seriously, don’t do it.”
But wait, there’s more! Dr. Horcrunch believes that Brain Expansion Pills are a natural supplement, and that they can even be combined with a healthy diet and exercise to achieve maximum thought capacity.
“Eat a balanced breakfast, take your pill, and you’ll be amazed by what crosses the goal line into the endzone of your brain,” she analogized, “You might even be able to understand football metaphors, like the one I just used.”
So, go on! Stock up on Brain Expansion Pills and start having smart thoughts, naturally. Just don’t take too many. Again, probably die.
P.S. If you’re looking for some extra help, check out our line of ZZZZZonky Intellectual Gap Pills. They’ll help bridge the gap between your stupid thoughts and smart ones, so you can finally be smart in a stupid world. So, go on! Stock up and get smart, naturally!
Editor’s Note: These pills are not a substitute for therapy, education, or common sense, and should not be used to replace any of those things.
